Friday, February 7, 2014

Slow day in the newsroom?: Things on toast

Isn't space in the newspaper prime marketing real estate?  Why do I ask?  

The internet is poised to squash print media, but I continue to love the newspaper that comes to my door every morning.  I don't care what I have planned, or where I'm going, I'm reading the newspaper first.  Leaving before my punctual and awesome paper gal delivers the goods at 7 a.m. just ruins my day.  As far as loyalty and devotion goes, I'm the suburban version of the scene in Jerry McGuire where the gal (Renee Zellwegger) tells Jerry (Tom Cruise) "you had me at hello."  Do you hear what I am saying, news paper gurus?  

So it pains me to see that there is a full article devoted to things on toast, and it is called Jammin' with Toast: Create a Canvas.  I want to make sure I shared that information, lest you think it gets more creative with the title than it is with the topic. 

The newsroom is a foreign country to me, and I'll admit that I base most of my impressions on television shows.  So, I visualize this newsroom with a big table where all their best writers and columnists are meeting with the editor and they are pulling together the feature stories.   A writer sits fidgeting in his seat, till he sees the editor walk through the door.  He jumps from his chair and demands the editor's attention by way of his unbridled enthusiasm:  "I've got an incredible idea!"

All eyes turn toward the future Pulitzer prize winner.  Finally, he speaks: "Things on toast!"

Maybe it was less exciting.  No, come to think of it, it was less exciting...way less.  

The list includes such titans of toastology as broiled cheddar cheese and tomato on San Francisco sourdough bread or shredded pork with coleslaw on challah toast.  Apparently, it doesn't have to be all that exciting - it just has to have a long description.

Here is a couple of suggestions to make it more exciting:
  • Radioactive plutonium and organic California avocado on pita toast
  • Chicken liver, pig snout and goat eye with cream cheese wrapper on wheat
  • Live rodent and shredded credit card application on marble rye
Okay, I was wrong.  It's not more exciting at all.  Just troubling;  as troubling as a newspaper that wants to stay in print using prime space for broiled bread.

Editors, I toast you.  You've got a hard row to hoe. 

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Love, Cherdo