Friday, February 21, 2014

Woo You Loo

Porta-potties are necessities.  I get it.  Not only do I get it, if I am the one in need, I appreciate them. Every county fair, church bazaar, construction site, outdoor event or open air concert will have them - I've even seen them at outdoor weddings.  They're everywhere.  I've noticed that quality varies; some are a study in minimalism while others are actually pretty clean, considering the fact that this is the human equivalent of the doggie-doo bag.

One thing we can all agree on is this:  you want to get in and get out.  It's not a linger locale. 

That is why I thought it was kinda weird when I read the article in the the Knoxville News Sentinel about Stall Talk, a rental potty business that has gone digital.  The idea behind this business is to "go where the people go" by bringing "video-monitoring technology to add a digital screen that would create video billboard above a three- or six-block of toilets."

It sounds like "Stalk Talk" to me. This is the last vestige of privacy, and now the marketers have found me.  If it is outside, it's just a matter of time before it's inside the rental restroom, too.  Is there no place in the world where I can go (literally) and not be a potential customer? Marketing is everywhere ('s on my blog).

My understanding of the goal of marketing is that you buy their product, goal accomplished.  And yet when I go to the grocery store and buy a whole cart load of their products, there is still more marketing on the back of my receipt.  Lots more. Have you noticed that lately?  Hey, I bought your product! I'm your customer, really, I am!   I cry "Uncle" - you win!  The cashier practically hands me a CIA dossier when she's through ringing me up.  And don't tell me that it is helpful, because there may be coupons.  Coupons are just more requests to buy their product, only now they are giving you a twenty-five cent bribe.  Now, I'm insulted.  My bribes would have to be so much higher.

Will this potty marketing be gender specific, because I don't mind looking at the new Gucci bags, Coach bags or designer shoes. I'm pretty fond of L'Oreal products, too. Hey, this does seem like a good place for perfume product placement.  Could that be on the women's whizz marketing sector? I'm trying to work with them a little bit before it's totally out of my hands, but I have potty paranoia. Will they promise compromise at first, if they negotiate at all, but then make us watch the anti-depressant and prostate commercials?

Will we have to read the toilet tissue in the Persuade-a-John?  The lighting is bad in the rental potty, but maybe I shouldn't say that for fear they'll add an eye test or advertising for glasses and contacts.

This is not the end of it, people!  I predict that once we find ourselves accepting the woo-you loo in polite society, the potty people will have made new alliances.  You'll find yourself in the new and improved rental potty, unable to get out till you watch a full program about Wen hair products or Nutra Bullet.   After you do that, you still can't get out because a guy with a survey on local politics has his shoulder braced firmly on the other side.  You will take the survey, if you want your freedom.

God forbid that our digital medical records get thrown in the mix.  What if you couldn't leave unless you followed the American Cancer Society's recommendations for colonoscopy?  What if they figure out a way to make it happen before they'll open the door?

Proud individual that you say that marketing will never get you to do something or buy something on any terms but your own.   Keep saying that till you're at the movie, thirsty, can't bring in outside food...and you buy the $6.00 drink.

I accept your apology.

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Love, Cherdo