Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Goatshee

Men through the ages, from Louis XIV to Uncle Si, have found comfort in sporting any type of facial hair known to creation without regret!  Women lag for behind.  All female facial hair is uniquely regrettable.

In fact, the most unwelcome discovery for all womanhood is the goatshee.  The goatshee is the female version of the ever popular goatee (on men).  Nothing will send a gal digging through her personal hygiene tools of the trade faster than finding the dreaded one-hair-beard:  the goatshee.

Somewhere out there in internet land is the genius who will one day explain to me, with great clarity and patience, why one hair would suddenly decide to just spring forth and go nuts?  I've heard theories about hormonal fluctuations that attempt to explain it away, but here's the thing - don't you have those fluctuations all over your body?  It's a pretty small fluctuation if it just occurs in one hair follicle, wouldn't you agree?

Can anyone think of any use for this? Is it the reverse of the story about the appendix - that the appendix once served a purpose but now is just a vestigial organ?   Could the goatshee be a new addition to the body with a yet unrealized function?  If so, how do we let it do it's thing without freaking us out?

I've tried to imagine a positive spin for this.  A one-hair bow or Swarovski crystal might look nice, but I just see those things landing in soup. Mistletoe would be okay, if you didn't mind a random nut kissing your trachea.  If the hair got long enough, you could put a fishing hook on it - "teach a (wo)man to fish..."   You know how the saying goes.  Somehow, I just see a fish flopping on a woman's blouse, and no good can come of that, either.

What can you do besides destroy it?  After a frantic yank, why does it come back?  Are there women out there, over 35, who do NOT have a goatshee (or one in the making)?  Are they chin-bald? Should this be treated or not?

You're thinking I seem to know a lot about this.  It's just scientific curiosity.  Quit looking at my chin (I own excellent tweezers).  I'm just hoping it wasn't adaptive human Wi-Fi;  I'd hate to miss out on that.


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Love, Cherdo