Monday, April 7, 2014

Grumpy Cat vs Allergic Poodle

Take a look at these two animals; both beloved pets.  

On the left, you have the famous Grumpy Cat (aka Tardar Sauce).   The frumpy frowning feline internet cat-lebrity who celebrates her "Super Terrible 2" birthday party in NYC on April 29th.  

On the right, you have the Allergic Poodle (aka Coco Loco), who celebrated her fifth birthday on April 5th - we like to call that "Still Alive at 5".

So why is Allergic Poodle not as popular as Grumpy Cat?  Here are a few possible factors:
  • Grumpy Cat owes his special-ness to feline dwarfism and everyone celebrates the genetic crapshoot that caused it.  His owners must be so happy they could just explode!
  • Allergic Poodle owes her special ability of scratching incessantly to inbreeding (or historic over breeding - 'cause everybody loves the poodles, according to polls).  However, if the words "genetic weakness" are said to me just one more time, I could explode, too.
  • Pictures of Grumpy Cat populate the pet-obsessed internet;  insert the "cha-ching" sound here, please.  Grumpy Cat's owners (or managers, I should say, at this point) use his "special look" to earn money.
  • Allergic Poodle has a special look, too - she sits around the house waiting for the next rash to fully complete that look.  Is there a sound for spending cash?  Perhaps a flushing sound - as my money goes down the toilet?  So be it - insert that here.  Allergic Poodle's vet budget is constantly in the red.  You could say that Allergic Poodle's owners use her to rid their pockets of all that pesky money.
  • Grumpy Cat travels by plane with his owners to a variety of events - with a little financial help from the folks at Friskies cat food.
  • Allergic Poodle has her own devoted chauffeurs who spend a significant portion of their hard earned dollars driving her to the vet to see if this week's special look is fungal, bacterial or just wacko allergies.  
  • Grumpy Cat was named MSNBC's 2012 Most Influential Cat.
  • Allergic Poodle was named Dog Most Likely to Fund My Early Retirement by our vet - five years in a row.
  • Grumpy Cat's owners are very particular about where they take him, for his safety.
  • Allergic Poodle's owner is pretty rigid about her whereabouts since a disarmingly pleasant group of rainbow-loom bracelet adorned little girls dognapped her for a month.
It's probably for the best that Allergic Poodle doesn't get out and about - more exposure can only bring more allergies.  I've done the math and I can't afford for her to be more popular.  

1 comment:

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