Thursday, April 24, 2014

Lie # 105: "No news is good news"

No news is good news?  I reject that.  Especially this morning.

First of all, there are only a few times when "no news" would be welcome.  Here's few scenarios that come to mind:
  • "I'll let you know when this building is going to collapse on your head."  (No news is good news).
  • "The list of departments we are closing at the plant will be posted." (No news is good news)
  • Early colonial duel:  "We will count to ten, turn, and fire our pistols at each other." (Perhaps this should be subtitled "no count is good news.")
Personally, this is never true for me...I'm a news junkie.  You know that newspaper that is on your porch every morning?  Delivered by that hardworking, early morning deliverin' paperboy/girl?  I'm the chick standing there looking out the window and waiting, somewhat patiently, for that paper.

This addiction started at a young age when I would listen to the news on the radio or watch hometown news (yay, WFMJ!  WKBN!  Channel 33!).  

Soon, I moved on to the hard stuff - printed news.  Our paper in dear old Austintown always came around four o'clock, and I accepted that as being the delivery time;  unchangable, like the alignment of the planets.  It was perfect for all the young people who delivered The Vindicator after school. Conveniently, it also meant I got to the paper before my Dad, another news junkie, and I was adept and putting it back together perfectly.  My Dad was also crotchety for minor things - like a wrinkled paper, or a paper with the sections in the wrong order. 

The Internet was like "free heroin for everyone!" with regard to the availability of news.  News stories are attached to everything.  When I open a browser - news.  Check email?  Headlines pop up. Sometimes, irritatingly so (one of the few blogs I wrote, then deleted, was about how many times I had to read that Peaches Geldof had passed away - I don't think Nelson Mandela got as much coverage).

Which brings us to today, and I am standing on the sidewalk in my bear feet waiting, waiting, waiting.  No newspaper.  This is when it really hits home:  I don't care how many ways you can deliver a story, I still want a printed newspaper.  And I know that if this paper is not coming, I'll not see today's news in print, so I'm hoping it's just late.  If I call, they'll just promise a credit.  I don't want a credit, I want news.

Dang it, no news is not good news, it is a lie - where is my paperwoman?  This is starting to impact the Christmas tip...  

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Love, Cherdo