As I aimlessly clicked through the television channels after our holiday grill fest, I came across a television news show that had a segment entitled "No Poo." In the background, the announcer commented about the "no poo movement" and I decided I had to watch this since it appeared to boast of an incomprehensibly stupid and uncomfortable trend. Must-see-TV, as the phrase goes.
Naw, it wasn't THAT no poo movement, but the movement to NOT shampoo your hair. Okay, that still gets my attention. Onscreen, a lady produced an array of hair care products directly from her kitchen cupboards: vinegar, baking soda, avocado... Analyzing this info, I thought to myself, if you are putting it on your hair, and adding water, and it takes away dirt or oils...WAIT A MINUTE - SHAME ON YOU, HAIR FRAUD! YOU DO POO! That lady is just doing a full-on vegetarian poo; possibly chemical (baking soda). What a rip off. This woman is not capable of leading the "no poo" movement on any level.
The vast majority of my motley, albeit hirsute, crowd can get away with washing their hair every other day; some, even less. I cannot. Whether my hair is long or short, I can't get by with it and feel clean enough to leave the house. The only time I willingly have not washed my hair would be when I was hospitalized. Okay, strike the term "willingly" because just as soon as I talked myself into not washing my hair, someone would come in to visit. Pastors, co-workers, family members - I'd be shocked back in to reality by the thought that these are all people I would want to see me with clean hair.
It's not vanity; I hate the way my hair feels when it is not washed. I poo daily or fall into a funk. Love it when it's clean, hate it when it's dirty: I'm bi-poolar. I've tried to skip a day, but even if I start out feeling reasonably clean-headed, a few hours pass and I'm basically the chick with bangs made of bacon (without the deliciously enticing smell to comfort me in my slick headed shame).
And so, the "I Must Poo" movement has been formed to provide support for folks like me. I. Must. Poo. If you're my true friend, and you find yourself forming a sentence that starts with "Well, have you ever..." or "Maybe you could..." Just stop. This ain't my first rodeo.
Bringing up the no-poo topic to my hairdresser didn't provide any additional gems of information; she just plunged in with a cheerleader-like promotion of skipping a poo, and added "your hair would do fine! You've got such nice, thick hair..."
Yada, yada, yada...
"Just cut it off, April." (I even pooed before I let her re-poo & cut my hair.)
Nobody gets me, some days.