Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Lies, Nutritional Studies and More Lies...A Chemical Betrayal




Why do I watch the news?  It only ends in heartbreak.

Oh, Resveratrol, how could you betray me?  In my heart, I had such high hopes for you!  You were the reason I believed the experts who told me that a diet high in fat and cholesterol was magically and inexplicably beneficial, if only I accompanied it with wine bearing sweet, sweet Resveratrol, the substance that made all French women look like French women (I'm told that is a good thing).  

I'm one run-on sentence from weeping at the thought of it all.  But there's more...

Resveratrol, why did you have to drag chocolate into your false tale of health and age-defying ability? Children crave bunnies made of chocolate.  Housewives cling to hidden chocolates carefully stashed behind the baking soda and spices on the bottom shelf to the right of the stove...oh, wait...NO!  I must be talking out of my head!  To clarify, there is no chocolate in any cupboard near any "alleged" baking soda!  I'm under duress from the sting of the Resveratrol betrayal.

Dr. Richard Semba, you seem like a good man...how could you lead such a study?  Who attacks the long held notion that alcohol (wine) and sweets (chocolate) pave the path to health - and expects the public to embrace the news?  Scientists were the ones who told us wine and chocolate were both good for us!  Don't you realize that you may never get another party invite from a woman?  We're roughly 50% of the population (and I can massage that statistic to make it say anything I want it to say - don't make me go decimal on you). 

Will science bake cupcakes for you, Dr. "Tricky Dick" Semba?   That is, if you're not already developing some new mad-scientist-insane study, hellbent on establishing guidelines that do not include something wonderful, like cupcakes, as part of a healthy diet!  Look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the legacy you want to leave behind, with no crumb trail to follow?   It's not too late.

Don't try to rationalize my ravings (even I'm not compelled to do so)!  Your facts and numbers are a blight on late night snacking.  What are we left with now?  Tic Tacs, sparkling water and string cheese?  How dare you, sir.  HOW DARE YOU.

The news anchors tried to soften the blow with a follow up story that claimed swearing is GOOD for you, if you don't do it all the time.  Great.  Something I don't want to do - how would I take advantage of that emotional outlet? Must I use all the keyboard characters as an outpouring of "suggestive" swearing characters?  &#^*@_)*!!!   Now that just looks dumb; it's not even mildly providing angst relief and it is accompanied by the reality that in my case those characters represent something like "holy moley" or "aw, man!"

[By the way, I drink coffee from 7 to 9 a.m.  I'm not reading the news, watching the morning shows or opening the front door until I'm finished with my coffee.  I'm not giving up the coffee, downer scientists.]

1 comment:

  1. Good morning, Cherdo! I appreciate your writing style, your humor and inventive word play. It feels good to read a post and find myself smiling the whole way through. It's nice to find signs of intelligent life in the blogosphere.

    I got an education this morning because I was not familiar with Resveratrol, the health claims associated with it or "Tricky Dick's" press release revealing findings that dispute them. Seems he has a few "resverations" about the substance. :)

    I was a television newsman in the 70s and 80s. At some point during that period, media consultants were put on the station's payroll to help boost ratings. Primarily to justify their existence, they recommended changes to the structure, style and content of newscasts. One of the features they recommended was a daily segment on health and fitness. It seemed like a good idea at the time. However, anyone who regularly watches the news has noticed that there are many conflicting studies. One report might suggest that your favorite foods and beverages are beneficial. A year later a new study might be released which labels them detrimental. It always seems to boil back down to the same three basic, inescapable, no-nonsense rules for achieving a long and healthy life - sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll! :)

    I like you, Cherdo, and I agree that we have the makings of a great friendship. Recently I adjusted my blog publishing rate to allow more time between posts. I now average only one post per week. You seem to enjoy posting much more often and that is your prerogative. My credo is that friends make time for friends. I intend to be a genuine friend to you and be here to support your blog as much as possible. I am counting on you to reciprocate once a week when I decide to publish. Thank you very much, Cherdo, and have a wonderful Wednesday!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo