Monday, May 5, 2014

My Funeral (This is Your Invitation)

Someone posted a picture on Facebook that I thought was hilarious.  It was the Grim Reaper and below the image it said "Will someone please go to my funeral dressed like a Grim Reaper? Don't say anything, just stand there."  I laughed out loud, and shared it, of course.

Lucky dog that I am, several people agreed to do just that, so the Reaper appearance is a sure thing, unless they beat me to the dirt nap (crossing my fingers that it's me first!).  I'm holding them to it.

This inspired me...

Considering all the possibilities, I'd like to give thought to some other ways to liven up the event - or at least make it a topic of conversation for a while.

If you're willing to help with any of the arrangements, let me know (I can't promise I'll croak any time soon, but it's like life insurance - you plan, just in case).

  1. Clown Make Up on the Stiff (aka Me).  I gotta say, clown make up seems to be a given.  Full on, foam nose and clown shoes.  
  2. Karaoke at the front of the room.  It doesn't matter how sad you are, everyone gets a chance to snicker at karaoke.  That should break the tension, and it's much better than organ music. Juggernaut, this is your job.  Reaper, you can go out of character for one song, but don't do the obvious "don't fear the reaper" shtick.  This is a classy affair. After your one song, back to Grim Reaper status.  If  you want, you can carry a tablet and use gestures to ask people their names.
  3. A magic show.  I'll be happy to let the magician use my remains for any part of the show (I'll be done with them);  this is a drastic change from my magic show stance in life where I didn't ever want to be volunteered to come up and assist the magician.  Magoo will handle that.  If there is any way that you can close the coffin lid, and then open it only to discover I'm gone, that would be awesome.  Then make me re-appear.  Make sure you tell them there is nothing up your sleeves.
  4. Tag my box, everyone. To make amends for Lie #104: Graffiti is Art, I'm going to ask that spray paint be available for "grief art" on my coffin.  Spoiler alert: It's going in a hole.  It might not be your breakout piece in the art world.   Hubzam:  Your job is to shake your head and mumble, "Dang hippies!"
  5. Boo-hoo ballohoohoon.  Instead of signing in, each person will receive their own grief balloon hat to wear during the service.  Magoo is in charge of insisting everyone wear the balloon hat, too.
  6. Somebody bring an accordion.  Nothing says confused ethnicity like an accordion.  I want to leave people with something to think about after the funeral.  Who was she - really?
  7. No calliope music.  Refer to number 1...unless you can get a merry-go-round;  in that case, I would be okay with a little carny calliope tunes.
  8. Solve a family mystery.  You don't want people staying too long.  Gonzo will handle video. Bring out all the old movies of my dad that we can never show the kids because of the "gestures" he makes to celebrate Christmas.  Yeah, kids...that's Papa.   Home movies will clear a room every time (and the kids will know why I always turned them off - finally!).
Well, there we go - check that planning off my list.  Sweet.

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo