Monday, July 7, 2014

Cat Shoe! (God Bless You)

Let's jump right into the issue at hand: I love quirky shoes and clothes, but I've gotten into a rut in my day to day routine. In past posts, with mocking tones, I reflected on the "uniform" of my pre-married Hubzam - only to realize I had adapted my own form of "Momiform." The Momiform does everything but shout: "I'm not going anywhere today but the laundry room."

Sadly, I wear it everywhere else, too.

Getting ready for a night of stand-up comedy just caused the spotlight to shine on my fashion slide. If my wardrobe had a brand it would be Plus Sized Bleh or Mommy Meh. What happened to my fun stuff? Equally important - how can I fund the return of quirky? 

I needed a plan to expand my wardrobe. Starting at the bottom, I decided I needed to find shoes to wear; that seemed to be a simple, easy starting point. The search began and soon afterward, I realized the hand that fate had dealt me. 

The obvious facts behind the fashion decline had been ignored. The Momiform was not a creation of a bored mind, but a stressed checkbook; the price I had paid for leaving the lucrative workforce to stay home and do whatever I want (that is what I tell myself when I miss work - I'm free! I'm free!).

Actually, nothing is free. One of the first things I noticed that wasn't free was the Charlotte Olympia Kitty Flat priced at $660.  Now, don't get your panties in a knot, fictional or real life Charlotte Olympia. If I win the lottery, I will buy a pair of your shoes and I will wear them till the kitty face looks like a melted Yoda. But not today.   
Charlotte Olympia Kitty Flats: $660
Today, I am Frugalista, the explorer of Internet steals and deals, and Frugalista doesn't buy $660 shoes. Frugalista buys groceries and giant packs of toilet paper. Frugalista can tell you the price of most of the required textbooks for high school (and all the other grades, too). Teen clothes? Check. Music lessons? Check. Camping trips? Check. Haircuts, doctor's visits, poodle toys, and all the other necessities are covered, baby, with cheapskate aplomb. There's not a single spot on my list for $660 shoes.

Cat Shoe by Jon Josef: $165
Which led me to the Jon Josef Cat Shoe at $165. You know, I could live with that, if it weren't for my overt tightwaddery. And in spite of the noticeable red squiggly line below the word "tightwaddery", I'm going with that term.  Those are so close to the CO 660s (as I nicknamed them), that I was determine to find even more of a deal.
Blink Cat Slippers: $50
Blink Cat Slippers came along with a rather normal ranged price of $50, but I was power mad by this time.

I found cheapo nirvana.

An online auction rewarded my efforts with a pair of cat flats, shipped from China, for $14.95. Oh, yeah, step up - pat me on the back and take a look at these beauties:

Chinese knock off:  $14.95 (includes shipping and incredibly potent rubber smell)
Unable to contain my excitement, I proudly modeled my new cat shoes for Hubzam and with amazing synchronization, we both said, "What's that smell?"

If the Chinese ever enter the world of perfumery, they will slay France and the USA. This smell has staying power like no one's business. My whole house smells like Akron, Ohio. 

I refuse to give up. I'm a "silver linings" type of gal. So, to my local friends - for $1 you can smell my unbelievable bargains. Guaranteed not to smell like any shoe or foot you've ever encountered - unless you're really good friends with Gumby. Trust me, I don't have the literary skills to convey the experience. Bring a friend. Word will spread quickly, and I just might have those Charlotte Olympia Kitty Flats.

Just in case, if you see me doing stand-up, don't sit in the front row.




9 comments:

  1. Koo-koo-ka-shoe, Mrs. Robinson,
    Jesus loves you more than you will know.

    Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    Oh no! Your new shoes smell like rubber? You'll soon tire of that.

    TIRE... get it? (BA-DUM-BUMP)

    Seriously, I can't tell the difference between "Brand X" - the $14.95 Chinese knock offs (made from the sludge collected after the Cernobyl disaster) and the CO 66Os (not until I scratched the screen and sniffed). You were smart to pass on those pricey peds. Who was it that uttered those famous words 20 years ago, "If the shoe budget doesn't fit... you must quit."

    (BA-DUM-BUMP)

    I once bought a pair of cruel shoes. They were my arch enemies!

    (BA-DUM-BUMP)

    I know I'm a heel for running on with shoe puns and I don't have a leg to stand on. I won't pump you for laughs any longer. I'll be straight laced and toe the line.

    You were courageous enough to post pictures of cute little Cherdo in her mama-made school outfit. Why not model your laundry room chic for us?

    Thanks for the smiles and laughs, dear friend Cherdo, and have a happy Monday to boot!

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  2. Momiform shall never be modeled, but I will tell you it is generic, feelgood shirt, denim capris and high dollar Vionic sandals...day in, day out. LOL...fashion lazy, too much to do. No one is looking at me except Hubzam and Gonzo; Coco just sees the capris as a place to nap.

    Nice puns, Shady. You're in the pun final round. Thanks for stoppin' by, SDK!

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    1. Give me an inch and I'll take a foot, dear Cherdo. Being the loafer I am, I returned to ask you a question:

      I'd like to visit Holland someday... wooden shoe?

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  3. Great post! Who knew there was so many cat shoes around? Smells like Akron, Ohio - love that.

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  4. SO cute! And subtle so that it doesn't scream out "cat shoes." Someone would have to look closely to not see that they were just normal black dress flats. I love the description of the momiform. I have a writerform. Capri jeans and boatneck tees yoga pants and boatneck tees! I just ordered some cropped yoga pants, so I'll be shaking it up a little. Haha. But I do have dressy clothes for when I go out to dinner or have book events to attend.

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    Replies
    1. Stephanie, we may be wearing similiar outfits, ha ha. Maybe this means I can someday write something worth reading. :-)

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  5. I began to lose my momiform when Favorite Young Man was a teen and started selecting most of my clothes for me. Suddenly I looked fit to live in the world. At age 34, he doesn't seem to pay attention to fashion anymore, but, boy, was he good at choosing colors to paint the interior of my house. He has an eye for subtleties of shades that I simply do not possess. A couple of years ago I bought a pair of black velvet boots on ebay. They arrived with an interesting odor. I put off wearing them for a while, and the stench gradually went away. To get away from your momiform yet wear good labels at reduced prices, try Ralph Lauren clearance items on macys.com. You might like to check out Rue La La (di dah), too. They are one of those online shopping sites that sells overstocked or last year's items from designer labels. Some of their stuff is way too expensive, but I bought my adorably perfect black summer sandals from them for about $20. They charge a flat fee of $10/month shipping & handling. So if I buy something from them, then I'm probably going to buy more stuff during the next 30 days and get my money's worth on the $10. Rue La La was particularly helpful when I needed nice but reasonably priced Christmas presents. I wish I could sit in the front row to see you. I wouldn't hold my nose nor utter a word about any sort of odor.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Great information, Janie! I'm going to check those sites out, but quick. You never know when I might have to pop out in public. Rue La La sounds particularly interesting. Mama needs a new (critter) pair of shoes. {{Hugs}}

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo