Thursday, August 28, 2014

Keeping It Real...Please...Don't...

Give me the head of the person who invented Poo-Dough or any Doo-Dough knock-offs. Hey, I love the ridiculous - but, really

Every time I see a product like this, I'm taken back to my days of corporate work. Perhaps I was wrapped tighter than the average employee, but I wanted to make a good impression. They paid me money to be there. On the rare day that I was deluded into thinking a brilliant thought had entered my head, that beauty was carefully handled and presented to my boss as professionally as possible.

Poo-Joker, however, was sitting in his (or her) cube one day when he thought that kids needed more fecal fun options and realized he was just the guy to deliver the goods. This realistic waste product prototype actually got through the boss' office door, was discussed, had financial support and made it to market. To top that off, the factory that made the Poo-Dough must be spewing these forth like industrial diarrhea, because it made it to everyone's favorite discount store, whose name I shall not voice out loud. You know that an order from them would be in the millions.

Prominently displayed with school supplies, I suppose the thought was that kids needed this to start school. In fact, it had a huge display that also included a device to generate important body sounds. Let your imagination wander around that one. Am I to assume that my young student would need both these items, along with pencils and pens? Don't you think that would get him a free invitation to leave the class somewhere around noon (if not earlier)?

If our family scholar did need this, what joy I would feel at knowing that this "looks like the real thing (smells much better...)," if the package's claims are correct. I'd hate to get home and find out I just had 9 ounces of crappy consumerism. Pardon my French.* 

This is why I'll never be rich. It never occurs to me that I could have gotten rich on stuff like Poo-Dough. Remember this when you get that next great idea. 

*If you are, in fact, French - substitute this with the phrase: "filer à l'anglaise." I'm an equal opportunity complainer.


  1. Shecky Shady asks,
    "Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
    He worked it out with a slide rule. (BA-DUM-BUMP)

    Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    Great minds! I notice that you and Janie Junebug are both talking about poop today, What are the odds? Plus, I have my usual load of crap coming up this weekend on SDMM.

    After reading your post I'm kicking myself because I came up with the idea for Poo-Dough decades ago and never acted upon it. Now the other guy's getting rich. Always looking for ways to make a buck I am already hard at work developing a spin-off product - EDIBLE Poo-Dough. Yeah...that's the ticket!

    I already wrote some ad copy:

    "Amaze your friends as you gobble a pile of poo
    right before their eyes. What they don't know
    is that it tastes just like chicken!"
    (also available in beef flavor, pork,
    salmon and spicy jalapeño!)

    I intend to hire Jay Leno as pitchman for my TV commercials
    resurrecting his familiar line:

    "Munch all you want, we'll make more."

    I don't understand the mentality that brings products like these through research and development to market. I can testify that when I was a boy my father worked for an office supply company. Along with desks, chairs, typewriters and staplers his retail store sold novelty items that included fake dog poop and fake vomit. Call me old school, but I believe in doing things the natural way and making my own.

    Have a super day, dear friend Cherdo, and watch where you step!

    1. "Doing things the natural way"...bwahahahaha. That made my chest hurt.

      Bathroom humor has definitely gone mainstream. Ah, I miss the days when it was just about two weird little boys, laughing because they got away with telling a joke that included the word "poo;" I long for that simpler time...

      Of course, Janie is on the same topic. She's a genius.

      If this keeps up, we're going to have to hire an actual drummer to keep on stand by for all the BA-DUM-BUMPS. It's only fair. I want to keep it professional.

      It's almost the weekend, Shades! Have a fantastic day (while I run my offspring all over the county to fill his head with geometric learnin' and violin mastery, I'll ponder the Shadys and Janie Junebug basking in Floridian paradise and smile).

  2. Whadyamean I'm on the same topic? I wrote a movie review and then mentioned that my colonoscopy turned out well. I am not a genius. I deny that I possess any signs of intelligent life. I love your post, Cherdo (as usual), and I love Sir Shady's comment. A drummer is an excellent idea.

    Janie, who hopes she and her comment don't run away from home

  3. I never thought about it that way. Do you think when the person goes back to his high school reunion and people ask what he does for a living he says, "I invented Poo Dough?"

    1. If I ever attend a high school reunion, I will say that even though I didn't invent it.


  4. I'm still in my spot. Yup, that's me. Comment remains in place.

    Love again,

  5. Replies
    1. I'm still here, but I disappeared today. Brilliant comment about Amy Tan. I love her. It's the best ones that disappear. Blogger hates me on my really good days.

  6. I was reading another blog (celebrating the small things) and encountered your comment regarding a machine that manufactured bodily noises. You gave the link to this post and I am now sitting in a state of silly amusement. Monday looms large, and the though of Poo Dough and other such has given me a much-needed laugh.

    Diana at About Myself By Myself

    1. That is the kind of comment I love, Diana! I'm visiting your blog, too. Thanks!


Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo