Thursday, August 7, 2014

Pow! Celebrity Booster Shot for Orlando

I love stories that come out of nowhere and truly have a surprise twist. Technically, I guess it came out of Ibiza, Spain; but I digress. If I could just figure out what it is that makes one story more newsworthy than another in the collective consciousness of people. I'd be rich.

Example number one: Mr. Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom, English actor and middle Earth hotsy totsy and Bored of the Rings. Apparently, Mr. Bloom decided to deck one Mr. Justin Drew Bieber, Canadian singer-songwriter and cranky young turk.

The media has just taken off with this; it's crazy. Without even paying attention, I'm willing to bet I heard this story ten times. Using my super Google powers, I did a quick search to determine whether this was the big deal everyone made it.

A quick search of the terms, "orlando bloom justin bieber" turned up a mere 49,600,000 hits. Any more than fits in my living room equals a big deal. That would be a tight squeeze.

Why is this news? Maybe there's something that has been left out. 

  • Did Orlando slug Justin because Justin was building tunnels in Gaza? WHAMMO! I understand. That is a hot issue. 
  • Perhaps they were walking by each other in the restaurant when they realized that they had vastly different political views. POW! There you go! If I had a nickel for every time that happened!
  • Did Justin purchase the sweet, sweet fashion that Orlando had planned to buy? Did he ruin his grand party entrance? KER-POWERONI! You know that the two of you can't wear the same outfit to the same restaurant. Someone, disrobe. Jealousy is not cool. You're British, man; your accent makes everything  you say sound polite. You can do this.
  • Was a naughty little something said, as various entertainment news talking heads inferred? SCHWAPP! Oh, Justin; respect your elders. Tell Orlando you are sorry...come on, now.  Hug it out, boys.
What topped off this story nicely was the number of people who were giving Orlando a brand, spanking new high five and a virtual pat on the back.  Poppin' the Bieb is apparently cause for celebration and an instant celebrity boost.

If you have a "Deport Bieber" bumper sticker, it's back in vogue.

[Insert large, flipsider smirk here.]  I'll never understand celebrity. Boost 'em up high, slap 'em down low. None are as great as we claim nor as bad as we quickly assert. People are fickle.


  1. I'm gonna hafta find a way to use kerpoweroni in conversation, stat.

  2. I saw this news item and Leonardo Dicaprio brushing him off at the same event. Real stars don't seem to care for him.

  3. I don't know much about what goes on in the "celebrity" world, but even I heard about this brouhaha. I think I've seen Orlando Bloom in two movies, but maybe just one. He seems talented, as is Leonardo DiCaprio. I think DiCaprio can even be put in the category of artist, rather than mere celebrity. As for Justin Bieber, I am tired of the little bit of news I see focusing on his assholery. Although I would like to punch him myself, more important shenanigans go on in the world. My gosh, I miss Shady. Will he be back soon? He always has something hilariously intelligent to say.


    1. Well said. I want to rant every time this petty stuff grabs the headlines. There's big problems in the world.

      That is so funny that you mentioned Shady - I was thinking the same thing. He's had enough vacation. Come home, Shady!! I need some professional wisecracking. Wouldn't he be pleased that we missed him? His head will triple in size. I don't care, we need him on board, ha ha.


  4. I'm sure a lot of people want to punch Justin Bieber. He's rather obnoxious.


Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo