Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Love Languages: The Don't List

In past years, I've heard a lot of talk about "love languages". Author Gary Chapman categorizes the love languages into five groups: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. 

Of those five, receiving gifts would be the one that my Hubzam never requires (actually, it's a little irritating). The Man warns me preemptively that he doesn't want gifts for his birthday or Christmas. I rarely listen, but he makes it clear that gifts are not required. 

Removing that "gift" love language from the list resulted in a new opening and allowed me to customize it. The modification makes it more realistic to our current Flipside-era of romance. I present to you "things I don't do" for love:

  1. I pretend that I haven't noticed his favorite shorts are about two years past the point where they were ready to be donated to Goodwill...or the dumpster. Why? Because The Man still likes them. I don't make them disappear, as many of my friends have suggested.
  2. Everyday, I put his lunchbox away. I mumble under my breath, but I put it away; I don't mention it.  (Oops, now I mentioned it; I don't have another "don't" to put here...wait! That was a don't! I'm back on track.)
  3. I cook things for The Man that I'd never eat. Never, ever, ever. I don't deny him. Of course, this opens the door for me to cook things he hates, like chicken gizzards (yeah, I'm surprised I do that, too).
  4. Not only do I cut his hair and make his sideburns much more even than he would ever notice, I don't let him walk around covered with hair, unless it is attached (i.e., all areas but the top of his head and the soles of his feet). I also vacuum him. Now, tell me that isn't going the extra mile? 
  5. When he snores so loud that the walls rumble, I don't call the authorities and report a seismic episode. Never, I swear, and it's tempting.
  6. May I add that although I've threatened to sleep with a frying pan on the nightstand - just in case he needed a gentle nudge to stop snoring - I've never actually done it. That's love.
  7. No matter what I eat at a restaurant and no matter how much I might love it, I always save some for The Man. I don't let him silently drool over my appetizer or entree and never get the opportunity to dive in. He just reminded me that he does the same for me (I knew that).
  8. I don't complain about his randomly abandoned shoes; I move his shoes to the PROPER area, and he knows full well that I am the self-appointed dictator for appropriate shoe storage. I realize they are not a decorating accent in the living room, even if he doesn't. We have an eclectic interior design mix that does not include Birkenstock accents. He has some things mixed up...shoes in the living area, framed college degree on the floor of the closet where shoes go. I mentioned that we might want to put his college degree on the wall somewhere in the house, and he responded with, "Why? Who wants to see it?" (I don't question that logic, but I'll bet the answer is "your mother". Mothers always want to see degrees prominently displayed.)
  9. I've washed his clothes for twenty years. I don't let him resort to nudism. You'd have to know how much I hate doing laundry to fully appreciate this. It's not that it's hard, or that I'm lazy...well, maybe I am lazy - a bit, anyhow. When you have accumulated a seriously high number of completed laundry loads over the course of your life time, you lose the desire to participate in the drudgery of it, day in and day out. Unless, of course, it is a love language. In the future, I'm hoping they have disposable clothes. When that happens, I will gladly throw his away when I throw mine away. I'm capable of modifying my love languages.
  10. I don't make him live above the Mason-Dixon. I listen patiently to all that blah blah blah about the North and Yankees without adding a rapid fire, laser-pointedly precise, statistically viable and highly accurate commentary that would reduce him to a mound of quivering, fearful man-flesh. Lay off the North already, I get it.
"Don't" for someone you love today.


  1. I don't for Willy Dunne Wooters. He will not accept gifts. He wouldn't even look at the e-cards I sent him for his birthday.His undies have holes in the rear end in a strategic position. I don't buy new undies for him because he likes the holy undies (wears them to church). He's quite a snorer, but all I have to do is poke him and tell him to roll over. Then he snores from the other direction. He doesn't want me to do his laundry. He thinks I wash things too often and, thus, wear them out. As long as he doesn't stink, I won't wash his clothes. We have a lot of don't-ing in our relationship. The most important is don't get married. I'm sure you are very good at don't, and I like your list.


    1. Dat's what I'm screamin'.

      I knew a gal once who thought that all her relationships should look like that golden time, when you're about 20-something, and you polish up for a new date, acting exactly like someone you're not, and thinking that new person in your life is going to make everything perfect. That is a recipe for disaster.

      I'm glad to see someone else does the "roll over" thing; I don't know why that little trick works, but redirecting the snore is magic.

      Love ya!

    2. Shady just reminded me of the last thing I wanted to ask: Why are you up at 3:43 a.m., Janie?? You need more sleep.

    3. I'm a night person. I get plenty of sleep during the morning. And sometimes the early afternoon. Pay no attention to anything Sir Shady says. He is on to us and trying to keep us from hogging Chrissy.

  2. I'm sure all couples have a similar list. :)

    1. They do, if they're smart, right? Thanks, Medeia!

  3. Hi Cherdo

    Love is simply grand displayed in all ways and some of the most unromantic acts are the most romantic:) like getting a glass and sliding paper underneath it so spiders are alive and better outside! One don't might be not getting too hung up on whether the cap goes back on the toothpaste, thanks for thoughts Cherdo :)

    1. Thanks, Allie-Millie! I feel international now!

  4. There's only one language of love -
    Burt Bacharach - YEAH BABY, YEAH!

    Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    I'd like to know why Janie Junebug was up so late
    (or so early). She must have been involved in mischief!

    In some ways I am like your hubzam and in other ways I am more like you (and I'm not just talking about my fondness for wearing dresses and frilly undies). I'm the neat freak, the Felix Unger of the family, and Mrs. Shady is Oscar. (Sometimes we're Frank with each other.) I like to keep the house tidy and she is the queen of clutter. I've been known to make the bed while she is still sleeping in it.

    Like your hubzam and Willie Dunne Wooters I do not feel comfortable receiving gifts. I enjoy giving them but squirm when I receive them. I suppose, in a way, that's selfish of me because I deprive the giver of the joy of making me happy. I'm working on it.

    Thank you, dear friend Cherdo, and have a terrific Tuesday!

    1. ...and Dionne Warwick!

      If you see me walking down the street
      And I start to cry
      Each time we meet...

      Obviously, I don't recognize you. Perhaps I need new glasses.

      My hubzam is my perfect match because we are alike in the important ways (love, loyalty) and opposites in other ways (creative vs. practical, emotional vs. rational). He tweaks my many flaws nicely and makes me presentable to society. Mostly.

      Let's get Janie on a sleep schedule. More scheming to some!

      Have a great day, flipster-bro.

    2. I also noticed that you commented on Janie's blog at 1 am and that she replied at 3:30 am! What's going on?

      I smell a rat, Cherdo... and it ain't a Dell rat! :)

      I think I know what's going on. You and Janie are staying up late at night emailing and texting each other and planning a huge surprise party for me. The two of you intend to shower me with expensive gifts. I admire you both for remembering that it is more blessed to give than to receive! (May I pick the color combo of my new MINI Cooper?)

    3. Walk on by (don't stop!)
      Walk on by
      Foolish pride is all that I have left
      so let me hide
      the fun and the magic I have
      all through the night
      walk on by (don't stop!)

      I just can't get over losin' nights
      so I leave the lights on very bright
      Walk on by
      Don't stop by

      The moment I wake up
      since I don't put on much make-up
      I say a little prayer for Cherdo

      Together, together, you'll stay in my heart, and I will Cherdo
      Together, together, that's how it must be . . .

      Okay, It might be nap time.

      Do not give Shady any hints about our late night trysts.

    4. My comments are still here. The dude abides.

  5. Do you have a smartphone? Here's my anti-snoring secret. I downloaded a white noise app and put earbuds in my ears at the beginning of each night's sleep. They fall out during the night, but usually by then I'm asleep and don't hear it. If I wake up in the middle of the night to snoring, I just shove them back into my ears!

    1. I do have a smartphone - it's the only thing smart about me.

      I'll have to try that - I do wrap a pillow around my head.


Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo