Monday, October 6, 2014

Here, Droney-Droney

After Coco the Wonder Dog was dog-napped (I know, I should shut up about it already), her free wheeling days were over, basically. No more will she frolic like the wild, exuberantly feral poodles of France, running freely in the fields. Any time she is outdoors, she is with someone - and she's on a leash. At night, when it is pitch black outside and a long trot to the street, I could trust her to attend to business and return quickly. Coco is like a little kid who is afraid of the dark.  It's the skunks that I don't trust, and they are also outside making the rounds. The last thing I want to happen is for me to open the door and have her run indoors after being hosed by an irritated, stink mongering pole kitty. 

It makes me mad to think that I have a three acre yard that was fine for her running and exercising, but I can't control the neighborhood kids who will call her away from her yard. Not that I'm bitter.

Okay, I'm bitter. Let me explain.

Walking the dog is not that much of a chore but it is something that has to be done three or four times a day, regardless of weather, illness, guests, and just plain laziness on the part of one or more of the family members (and yes, that includes me). After all, this dog is six years old and I'm pretty well set in my ways, too. She was on autopotty till last January.

Remember, I'm a flipster, which is just a nicer way of saying "geezer", the synonym of flipster. You learn something here every day, don't ever doubt it. You're welcome, pop culture enthusiasts and AARP cheerleaders.

In this age of technology, there had to be a solution to my doggie duties dilemma. Little, flat, robotic carpet and floor sweepers are everywhere; set them up and they will do their thing. They have one purpose in their mechanical lives and they seem to do it well. I pondered a yard robot, a yoomba, if you will. Could the yoomba handle the pre-mow grass, and still hold on to Coco? The more I thought about it, the more my inner voice cried, "Ah Yoomba, schmoomba..."

Suddenly, the imaginary light bulb above my head flipped on as I considered other existing technologies that I might modify to solve my dog walking problem. I need a Doggie Drone.

Already equipped to hover, terrain is not an issue for a drone. Besides, the greatest part of my yard is flat and clear. 

Standard equipment with the Doggie Drone would include a doggie leash of adequate length (retractable, of course). The drone would be able to keep up with Coco and she could regain some of that run time.  This idea was sounding better and better all the time. But optional modifications would be available on my drones. 

Now that I've seen the Amazon drone, I'm thinking my Doggie Drone might also be equipped with a box of dog treats. A dog will do everything faster when the task completion is rewarded with a treat. Skunk lasers are probably a night time necessity, too. One might argue that skunk tasers would be more humane, but I'd still be afraid the skunk would raise a stink about that.

Once everyone is using them for dog duties, I'd sell the data collected by the doggie drones across the nation back to the CIA at a government contract inflated price. Entrepreneurs need a plan B.


  1. That sounds like a great idea! Or--you know those remote control helicopters? You could use that technology to make a dog walker out of would have to be strong enough to keep a grip on the leash, though. And it would have to have a camera on it so you could watch it on your TV and guide it around the neighborhood!

    1. Maybe I could use a rocket, like they do in science projects... She is unbelievably fast.

      Seriously, she loves to run and I hate it that I can't let her. Since night time and darkness controls that a bit, I usually just let her out. Lately, I've noticed she goes to the hedges looking for a rabbit to chase. She's so happy when one sprints out of there (and that is exactly how the skunk spraying in her future will happen, I'm betting).

  2. Good morning and happy Monday, dear Cherdo!

    You wrote:

    << I'm a flipster, which is just a nicer way of saying "geezer", the synonym of flipster. >>

    Nay nay! I looked it up in my Funk & Wagnalls and "flipster" is a portmanteau combining flippant and hipster. Your picture appears right next to the definition and Janie Junebug can be seen sneaking up behind you with a butterfly net.

    The doggie drone concept has merit, but it's that costly add-on, the skunk laser (or taser), that might put it out of reach for the average dog owner. May I suggest a simpler, more economical solution? Potty train Coco! With a little time and patience you could teach her to run to the downstairs bathroom, jump up and straddle the seat, do her doggie business, use her teeth to unroll a length of bathroom tissue, wipe/dab, use a front paw to flush, jump off and be on her merry way. Make a video of Coco accomplishing all that and watch it go viral on the internet!

    Thank you for an entertaining post to start the week out right, dear friend Cherdo. I also want to thank you and Janie Junebug for leaving such excellent comments on my blog yesterday. You did your part by starting an interesting thread and Janie did her part by keeping it going, Both of you set an example of how great blogging can and should be. Thank you both once again!

    1. These multi-episode postings you're doing over at Shady Dell Music and Memories are great, and once again, let me say how much I love the fact that you address a certain song and add audio. You don't know how many times I've read articles on musicians and lamented the lack of a good mp3 to round out the connection.

      Thank you, for every day! You're the most faithful blog pal! Have a great day, SDK!

    2. I would just like to say that I do not own a butterfly net, but a straitjacket? Yes. And I'm not sneaking up behind you, Cherdo.

  3. You were smarter than me. My Katie girl(who is now in heaven) got sprayed by Flower and I didn't realize it until i let her back in the house . The smell of said flower permeated the air like the stench of Justin Bieber talking and emitting gaseous fumes when he opens his mouth. I would sit and wait, when your dog is outside and when the kids call on her, accidentally spray them with water...maybe that will teach them. I do like the drone

    1. Birgit, I have a loooooong driveway, and they ride bikes and call her because she is smart and does tricks. I'm sure it started off innocent, but when they took her home for six weeks, I knew I had to come up with another way to handle it (and they fibbed about it, too).

  4. I'd like to smack those brats who took Coco. I would be bitter, too. In fact, I am bitter, and for many reasons. Bitter bitter bitter. When we lived in the wilds of Illinois, Harper had a particular talent for getting out of the fenced-in backyard. One night he disappeared. I knew he had gone out running like the maniac he is because he'd worn his Nikes. I went to bed and dozed a little while listening for him to return. 3 a.m. Oh, joy! My boy was woofing at the garage door. Yes, he had been sprayed. No, I did not care. I squirted him with some cologne and invited him to join me in bed.


    1. As I already knew, you are brave (ha ha ha).

      I can't believe that Coco hasn't been hosed so far, because every stinking (pun intended) night I smell skunk off in the distance. They're everywhere, apparently!

      While walking home from a neighbor's party, I noticed a shadow walking towards me - a skunk, walking down my driveway towards the street. I hotfooted it over to the yard and cut a wide path between us.

      I loves me some Janie.

    2. I loves me some Cherdo.

      I haven't smelled a skunk since I moved to Jacksonville and I don't even see any flattened in the street. We do have rats, but after the dogs killed a couple of them, they began avoiding our humble abode.


Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo