Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Funny You Should Ask That Musical Question...


As a true lover of the radio in days gone by, I have found myself confronted with many musical questions. There's a time and a place for that sort of thing. 

The time: now! The place: the Flipside!

Firmly on the flipside, I have no fear of answering a few musical queries for the benefit of mankind...er, womankind... Basically, anyone surfing the internet when they should be working. You know who you are (and thanks for stopping by).


How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down?...
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
The Bee Gees

Whoa, one at a time. Let's not get greedy, Bee Gees or BG - not sure of the status ( RIP Maurice and Robin, God rest their souls).

This advice applies to a true broken heart, not a bad mood, late pick up or a guy who stepped on your toes. Don't be a drama queen. 

To mend a broken heart, you first must separate yourself from the offender. I've witnessed countless episodes of my very own gender-mates who have suffered a broken heart and then returned to the scene of the crime. Stop that nonsense. Spend your date-free time removing all trace of that homegrown mistake; send the pictures to the shredder, give the gifts to Goodwill, block that number. Clear the slate so you can write a new story.

How can you stop the rain from falling down? You can't. Are you telling me that the Bee Gees really needed that information? Next question.

Do you know the way to San Jose? I've been away so long, I might go wrong and lose my way,
Do you know the way to San Jose? I'm going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose...
Do You Know the Way to San Jose?
Dionne Warwick/Burt Bacharach (not sure who to blame)

I sort of know the way to San Jose and I definitely can find it on a map, but so could you, Dionne and Burt. If you want actual mileage and exit numbers; this is the kind of thing you need to Google. Open another tab and check it out. Don't make me do all the work here.

As for finding peace of mind, I'm thinking you could find this more easily in a small town -somewhere like Georgia. Decatur born Michael Stipes inferred there may be shiney, happy people holding hands in his neck of the woods. Fred Schneider in a Love Shack would be interesting, too. Tons of options are floating around in other songs. Listen.

Every picture tells a story, don't it?
Every Picture Tells a Story, Don't It?
Rod Stewart

No. Every picture doesn't tell a story. 

You must not have kids. And, by the way, even if that kid picture doesn't tell a story, you still have to put in on your refrigerator and keep it there till a forensic team can use it to discern fifteen to twenty meals you served in the last year.

But "do not it?" Really, Rod? Because "don't" means "do not," even in Great Britain - don't it? I'd like to hear you sing "every picture tells a story do not it" just once. Call it a dare.

...And I got one more silver dollar, but I'm not gonna let them catch me no
Not gonna let 'em catch the midnight rider
The Midnight Rider
Greg Allman, Allman Brothers Band

Since you mentioned it, I don't think you do have one more silver dollar and if you are the midnight rider, Greg, well - they've caught you a lot.  Maybe goading them isn't the best move. 

My bad - that wasn't a question. Do whatever you want. After all, I don't have a hit single.

If there's something strange in the neighborhood - who ya gonna call?
Ghostbusters
Ray Parker, Jr.

I'm going to call 9-1-1. 

If not 9-1-1, then the following people, in this order:  Hubzam, Magoo, Jacklemus, Shady Dell Knight, Kelley Big S, Juggernaut, I'll bug Hubzam again, Lordo, Janie Junebug, Robin(s), Patti, Beth, Gonzo, Janel, Heather, the Freds... 

I'm good. Don't be concerned.

Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree?
Sweet Dreams
Annie Lennox

You're the chick with the bad haircut, Annie.

Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?
Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Boy George, Culture Club

Truth be told, I want to wash your face. I really wish that was one of the options, you've limited me a bit. I truly don't want to make you guy-cry. That has a lot to do with the first thing I mentioned (washing your face). I just know that your make up would run and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get that out of my head. 

So, I guess I'm good. Go on. Back to work.

23 comments:

  1. Haha! The kids, the picture, the forensic team and the sedimentary strata of meals. So funny! Thanks for the laughs. (Thanks for dropping by my blog, and yes, that Miller quote really speaks to me. Really.)

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  2. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    I don't know much about them there "oldies but goodies" but I will try to think of a comment.

    I enjoyed your answers to musical questions. I remember a hit record that didn't ask a question but raised some:

    "I Was Born a Woman" by Sandy Posey.

    * Was she 20 years overdue?
    * Did her poor mother need an industrial strength epidural to pass 130 pound Sandy through the birth canal?

    Isn't it so much better when a song title is self explanatory,
    like "A Groovy Kind of Love" by Corduroy Condoms?

    ... or "Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication (The Bumps Bump)"
    or "Night Of The Thumpasorus Peoples"? (Both of those toe-
    tappers were waxed by George Clinton's funk band Parliament.)

    Then there are new records being released today by
    aging hitmakers of the past. Let me repeat the premise.
    These are new songs just released by aging singers.

    "Let's Go Get a Physical" by Olivia Newton-John

    "She's Got Bette Davis Eyes (and Ernest Borgnine's liver)"
    by Kim Carnes

    "Every Breath You Take (might be your last)"
    by the Police

    "Night Fever (and morning flatulence)"
    by the Bee Gees

    "I Want To Hold Your Hand (but now that I know
    where it's been..... fugetaboutit!)" by the Beatles

    "Killing Me Softly With His Song
    (and that gawd awful breath!)" by Roberta Flack

    "One Bad Apple (and I was glued to the loo
    all frickin day!)" by the Osmonds

    "Sherry (in my Geritol)" by the Four Seasons

    "Total Eclipse of the Heart (plus a
    cardiac stent)" by Bonnie Tyler

    "Wake Up Little Susie (It's time to take
    your nitro pill)" - The Everly Brothers

    "Another Brick in the Wall (and one in my stomach
    from that cheese omelet!)" by Pink Floyd

    Happy Wednesday, dear friend Cherdo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bow to the King of Blog-Comedy!

      When I was working on some computer stuff this morning and realized you hadn't posted, I called the National Guard, convinced that a communist takeover was in progress and they had taken you hostage. Everything belongs to the state with those guys, you know - even punsters. Glad to see that is not he case.

      "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... (I'm a huge Beatlemaniac).

      Have a great day, Shady! Glad you are on the job.

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    2. You frightened me with your comment that Shady had not been here. Now that he's arrived, the world can continue to turn.

      Delete
    3. << You frightened me with your comment that Shady had not been here. Now that he's arrived, the world can continue to turn. >>

      So can the stomachs!

      Delete
    4. Hey, Janie, I was scared, too! He is constant...like the seasons...and diverticulitis...

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    5. You are too kind, dear Cherdo. I'm blushing. :)

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  3. CHERDO ~
    Granted I am a newbie at your blog, so I have far less to compare it to than your other readers have, but at this moment THIS is my favorite of your blog bits I've had the opportunity to read. Great work! It made me laugh AND... it just so happens that this is the sort o' thing that's right up my alley!

    If I had to pick a favorite, I'd go with Rod's "Every picture tells a story, do not it?" That was a classic.

    Back when I first began blogging, I created a similar blog bit, in which I analyzed the idiocy of some pop songs. It turns out that you zeroed in on songs I didn't, and I addressed songs that you didn't. In other words, there was no overlap in our critiques.

    Below I'll leave a link to my version of your 'Funny You Should Ask That Musical Question'. I can't remember if mine included any answers to questions, but I know it focused on stupid lyric lines that countless people have heard, and perhaps even sung along with, but probably never paused to really think about logically.

    This, as I said, was when I was in my infancy as a blogger, and at that point I didn't even know how to post photos, videos, or even links to the offensive songs at YouTube. So this blog bit was without frills, containing only text and lots of it. If you can't manage to make it through the entire blog bit, I won't hold it against ya. I'm an easy dog to hunt with.

    SO YOU WANT TO BE A ROCK 'N' ROLL STOOGE?

    This was one for The Cherdo Hall Of Fame.

    ~ Stephen

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    Replies
    1. Stephen:

      Oh, brother, I've just returned from reading your "Stooge" post...the coffee is still coating my inner nose from snarking it out when I read, "Marilyn was found in the nude. Marilyn was found in the nude. Marilyn was found in the nude..." (Hey, Elton told us that was all the paper had to say...how could he be wrong? He is a Knight!). That is hilarious.

      At the risk of sounding peer dependent, I love it when a reader appreciates a post - so, thank you! Posting five days a week has its highs and lows, ha ha. Some days...well...nothing looks all that amusing...we trudge on.

      By the way, class of '76, eh? I'm right behind you in '77. I knew you were a dedicated flipster; just felt the vibe of awesome.

      E-hug,
      Cherdo

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    2. CHERDO ~
      Thanks, Blog Bud!

      Actually, my senior year of high school BEGAN in September of '76, but I GRADUATED in June of ''77. So, yep, Class of '77 here too. The greatest graduating class in American history because...
      ...I say so.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  4. How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? I can answer these questions. The sun stops shining when I order the clouds to cover it, or when it disappears at night. I don't know what happens to it then, but it reappears the next day. As for what makes the world go round, that's easy peasy lemon squeezy. It's Cherdo and Shady.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. If only! We can't make the world go round, but we can put our "spin" on it!

      Hugs to you, Janie-poo!

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  5. -this is funny especially the "don't it" -hahahaaaa- What about "She's just 17, you know what I mean?" No I don't know, she could be slut or she could be Mother Theresa. I love what you have written and Ms. Warwick should know more than San Jose as she is on another astral plane

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha...that was a good one, Birgit - wish I thought of it!

      "She was just 17 - you know what I mean?" No...17 inches tall? IQ of 17? Why are you making all these assumptions about what I know? You're the one who is so familiar with her, mysterious questioning Beatle...

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  6. Now I'm all about stopping the sun from shining and making the world go round. Thanks. At least it's a good song to keep my brain company. I vote we wash George's face too. He needs to understand less is more when it comes to make-up. Rockin Rod Stewart gets a pass, that master of song can butcher the English language as much as he wants.

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    Replies
    1. I saw old Rod's concert once upon a time - it was great, I'll give him that. And he kicked soccer balls out into the crowd. So we all had a ball. :-/

      I'm ashamed of that last pun...yet, I went for it.

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  7. 'Basically, anyone surfing the internet when they should be working. You know who you are (and thanks for stopping by).'

    My plezh.

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  8. "I'm going to call 9-1-1."
    "Truth be told, I want to wash your face."

    LMAO! HA HA HA! That was classic!

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    Replies
    1. Once again,Pam..."like minds", ha ha.

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  9. Okay, so I'm here since I don't do rap, and I do have one thing to say- on Dionne and Burt, remember it was back in the day. They probably couldn't get their Amoco map unfolded.

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo