As a true lover of the radio in days gone by, I have found myself confronted with many musical questions. There's a time and a place for that sort of thing.
The time: now! The place: the Flipside!
Firmly on the flipside, I have no fear of answering a few musical queries for the benefit of mankind...er, womankind... Basically, anyone surfing the internet when they should be working. You know who you are (and thanks for stopping by).
How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down?...
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
The Bee Gees
Whoa, one at a time. Let's not get greedy, Bee Gees or BG - not sure of the status ( RIP Maurice and Robin, God rest their souls).
This advice applies to a true broken heart, not a bad mood, late pick up or a guy who stepped on your toes. Don't be a drama queen.
To mend a broken heart, you first must separate yourself from the offender. I've witnessed countless episodes of my very own gender-mates who have suffered a broken heart and then returned to the scene of the crime. Stop that nonsense. Spend your date-free time removing all trace of that homegrown mistake; send the pictures to the shredder, give the gifts to Goodwill, block that number. Clear the slate so you can write a new story.
How can you stop the rain from falling down? You can't. Are you telling me that the Bee Gees really needed that information? Next question.
Do you know the way to San Jose? I've been away so long, I might go wrong and lose my way,
Do you know the way to San Jose? I'm going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose...
Do You Know the Way to San Jose?
Dionne Warwick/Burt Bacharach (not sure who to blame)
I sort of know the way to San Jose and I definitely can find it on a map, but so could you, Dionne and Burt. If you want actual mileage and exit numbers; this is the kind of thing you need to Google. Open another tab and check it out. Don't make me do all the work here.
As for finding peace of mind, I'm thinking you could find this more easily in a small town -somewhere like Georgia. Decatur born Michael Stipes inferred there may be shiney, happy people holding hands in his neck of the woods. Fred Schneider in a Love Shack would be interesting, too. Tons of options are floating around in other songs. Listen.
Every picture tells a story, don't it?
Every Picture Tells a Story, Don't It?
No. Every picture doesn't tell a story.
You must not have kids. And, by the way, even if that kid picture doesn't tell a story, you still have to put in on your refrigerator and keep it there till a forensic team can use it to discern fifteen to twenty meals you served in the last year.
But "do not it?" Really, Rod? Because "don't" means "do not," even in Great Britain - don't it? I'd like to hear you sing "every picture tells a story do not it" just once. Call it a dare.
...And I got one more silver dollar, but I'm not gonna let them catch me no
Not gonna let 'em catch the midnight rider
The Midnight Rider
Greg Allman, Allman Brothers Band
Since you mentioned it, I don't think you do have one more silver dollar and if you are the midnight rider, Greg, well - they've caught you a lot. Maybe goading them isn't the best move.
My bad - that wasn't a question. Do whatever you want. After all, I don't have a hit single.
If there's something strange in the neighborhood - who ya gonna call?
Ray Parker, Jr.
I'm going to call 9-1-1.
If not 9-1-1, then the following people, in this order: Hubzam, Magoo, Jacklemus, Shady Dell Knight, Kelley Big S, Juggernaut, I'll bug Hubzam again, Lordo, Janie Junebug, Robin(s), Patti, Beth, Gonzo, Janel, Heather, the Freds...
I'm good. Don't be concerned.
Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree?
You're the chick with the bad haircut, Annie.
Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?
Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?
Boy George, Culture Club
Truth be told, I want to wash your face. I really wish that was one of the options, you've limited me a bit. I truly don't want to make you guy-cry. That has a lot to do with the first thing I mentioned (washing your face). I just know that your make up would run and I'm not sure I'd ever be able to get that out of my head.
So, I guess I'm good. Go on. Back to work.