Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Is Geezerdom on the Horizon?


How do you know you're a geezer? If I had a nickel for every time I was asked this, I'd have a...oh, never mind. 

I can only address my own personal journey to self-awareness of my own geezer potential.  This doesn't cause me alarm; I've been preparing for the rocking chair since I was a tot. Lately, however, I've had several clues that indicate geezerdom may be nearer than I thought.

  • I'm the Indiana Jones of cholesterol numbers on food labels.
  • I'm starting to get hip to the geezer lingo. Yesterday, I stated "my sciatica is acting up" just like a real person.
  • Though I was outraged to get AARP pamphlets in the mail at the age of fifty, I'm even more ticked off now that I actually read them.
  • Our church has an elevator that was made possible by a generous donation from the estate of a beloved member. Her picture hangs near the elevator. When my knee/hip hurts, I kiss the picture...with gratitude.
  • Music has always been a passion of mine and I love that my youngest son and I get in very deep conversations about the best bands of each decade. We carefully lay out all the pros and cons, and mentally discuss our own battle of the bands or whether or not Journey belongs in the seventies or the eighties. It makes me feel young. Then I step in the bathroom. The person in the mirror says, "Hey, you can't pull off a rock concert no matter how hard you try, sister." Why do people put mirrors in bathrooms anyway? I don't need that kind of negativity at my age; way harsh. Why am I talking to the bathroom mirror? Oh, I'm talking to you. Sorry, my bad.
  • When someone on the television talks about Alzheimer's Disease or senile dementia, I really listen to the symptoms. First, I think about how many of the symptoms I might have then I give Hubzam the once over. It's gonna be a close race and the winner won't know they have won, I'll wager. After all, I have been planning to yack at him till one of us kicks the proverbial bucket. He wouldn't begrudge me sizing up the situation (I think).
  • My friend was complaining that her granny smelled like lineament. My brain immediately went to the thought: "I wonder if that stuff works?"
  • A commercial came on with the fancy, schmancy tub that you sit in. It has a side door and jets to massage every achy part of a person. I googled it with a variety of search terms. The word handicapped kept coming up. Geez, Louise! I just wanted to know how much it cost, people! Now I think Google has copped an attitude with me (and by the way, I'm not the only one who is obsessed with tubs - see tomorrow's post!). 
  • Hubzam is complaining that I can't hear, or come here or something about a clamped rear. I'm not sure and he won't repeat it.
  • I'm not paranoid, but I am certain that Hubzam is mumbling and speaking in a low tone just to make me think my hearing is going bad. 
  • Paranoia may be one of those symptoms of dementia, but I can't figure out how to blame Hubzam for that one; he probably caused me to not be able to blame him. 

22 comments:

  1. NO, No, no, nonono. While your post is entertaining, you are not headed into the abyss of geezerdom. I am not a geezer, and I don't hang out with geezers (except Willy Dunne Wooters, but certain parts of his body are not at all geezerly). You must put this out of your mind (easy with impending Alzheimer's), stop looking in the mirror (easy because you are nearly blind), and get over thinking you are losing your hearing (if you spent five minutes with WDW, then you would know what deaf is). SAY IT LOUD AND SAY IT PROUD: WE ARE NOT GEEZERS. WE ARE YOUNG AND FUN AND COOL. Saying it makes it so.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Janie wrote:

      << except Willy Dunne Wooters, but certain parts of his body are not at all geezerly) >>

      I find this patently offensive. Can you please remove Janie's entire comment?

      Delete
    2. Thanks, Janie - now I think part two should be "hang around with people who will do a group denial with you!"

      Shady: I don't delete Janie comments - she already thinks I do, don't put that idea in her head!

      Delete
    3. She does so delete my comments, Sir Shady.

      Delete
  2. I'm sorry, I was having a senior moment--what were you saying?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    I can relate. Mrs. Shady and I often discuss bands that were popular in our youth and debate their merits. For example, she liked Jimmy Dorsey while I preferred Tommy Dorsey. :)

    What a cute little girl you were! I can tell by the snarky expression on your face that you were already opinionated.

    I totally agree with Janie Junebug, dearie. If you want to be part of the Three Amigos then you need to stop thinking like a geezer and get back in touch with your inner hell raising teenager. I did exactly that in the late 70s when I was still in my late 20s. I realized at that young age that I was already suffering from a telltale sign of aging known as hardening of the attitudes. I embraced massive change, got a divorce, quit my job, moved a thousand miles away to a city I knew nothing about, a place where I never saw a single familiar face. I got a job, switched to a different one then switched again and wound up hanging out with famous heavy metal rock bands, working with and dating agency models and producing and directing music videos. It was a heady experience that I would have completely missed out on had I played it safe and stayed in my old job in my home town. I shook things up and went from feeling old and settled to feeling free like a teenager again. I still feel that way. My entire blog is written from the perspective of a 16 year old inhabiting the body of a much older man, a scholarly pipe-mouth professor type. It's all a put-on and I'm having a ball authoring it.

    The 1955 horror/sci-fi movie The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a metaphor that spoke to fears about the spread of Communism; but I think it also applies to the process of aging. If you allow yourself to "fall asleep" (give up the fight to stay young) aging will take you over and you will lose that spark of youth forever.

    Don't let it happen, baby. Stay awake. Stay in the game.

    As James Brown shouted, "Get up, get into it, get involved."

    Happy Tuesday, dear friend Cherdo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, baby, I'm out...I'm involved...I'm in the game...inner Cherdo thinks she is 25...

      It's outer Cherdo that is disappointing, ha ha. Yesterday, I was having a flare up of joint pain and that inspired this thought process. But I have a plan...

      I'm constantly fascinated by The History of Shady. You've had a very interesting life. When our band, The Besties, goes on the road, all the Matt Lauers will want to interview you. Janie and I will have to stand back and nod, then add....."Yeah...what HE said."

      My friends keep telling me I need to blog about the time I decided to walk up to Bruce Springsteen's door. It's a study in idiocy and humor on the road.

      See youse guys tomorrow and have a great day!

      Delete
    2. ...and thanks for the compliment, but who cut little girl Cherdo's hair? Questionable toddler fashion there.

      Delete
    3. "No one puts baby in the corner!"

      Delete
  4. The adage You are only as old as you feel...Oh, please. The mother of a friend of mine used to say as she passed a mirror, "Who IS that old lady I keep seeing?" I was in my twenties and laughed, now? There's one in my mirror too :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least we're together in that mirror, Catherine! Coffee? Tea? Let's sit and chat, girlfriend.

      Delete
  5. I would love that tub. It looks neat. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sit in a private tub of warm, soothing water and jets pounding the aches and pains out....what could possibly be wrong with that? I'll share. :-)

      Delete
  6. Geezer? What's that? I'm too young to know about such things. But from what I hear, if you stay young at heart, you'll never grow old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My heart is there...my knee...ankle...hip...not so much.

      Delete
  7. Say it loud: "I'M OLD AND I'M..... LOUD!"

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a cheering section to be proud of - I'm tearing up!

      Delete
  8. Too funny and I looked up that bathtub too. It looks comfortable. I heard my hubby say "Rock my balls off"...he was saying Rachmaninoff. I have no excuse about my hearing but i am not in geezer land yet because when i lift my peasant skirt, you can't see my ta-ta's yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Retirement fantasies are a pastime of ours. I've already informed Hubzam that our next house is probably our last house, so it better have the exact stuff we want...for once! I'm pushing for that tub when the day comes!

      Delete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo