Friday, November 14, 2014

Mock Squid Soup: Space Battleship Yamoto: November 14, 2014


In every lifetime, there comes an opportunity to open the windows of your mind...to venture into areas previously unexplored...to embrace the new. And so, weary of my complacent existence, I signed up for Mock Squid Soup: Space Battleship Yamoto.

Each month, The Armchair Squid and MOCK! host a bloghop devoted to a particular film.  Use those links to see the other members of this blog hop, because I didn't get the code this month. Perhaps they guessed my movie review outcome. Clever, clever...

This month's film was: 

Title: Space Battleship Yamato
Director: Takashi Yamazaki
Original Release: 2010
My Overall Rating: Oh, Squid-san, please don't make me watch it again. I don't have the stars...

Favorite translated quote: "Suffocation doesn't hurt."  

Not that I think it's the truth, because this movie was painfully long as it sucked air and all the will to live from my body. Spoiler alert: you'll learn nothing of value from my review.

My gut response to any review attempt is to get a mental outline of the pros and cons, find some of my favorites and some things that didn't work, and proceed. Unfortunately, my mental outline looked like this:
  • Ship...space cannon fire...who is fighting with who?...
  • Why are they so excited...
  • Look, it's Halley's Comet...oh, nevermind...
  • Why are they wearing navy-like hats...is anyone named McHale-san or Gilligan-san?
  • What is the main conflict?...
  • If the Gamilas are wiping out some, why didn't they just wipe out all of them, so I can make a cup of coffee?...must aliens throw their message capsules? Aren't they just a wee bit more advanced than a space-fling?
  • Hey, is that ship a space submarine? That might be interesting. "In the town where I was born, lived a man, who sailed to sea, and he told us of his life, in the land of submarines..." Oh, wait, I'm still watching this movie. Shazzbatt.
  • Oh, dear Lord, Kodai had a son?? Please don't do a sequel.

Takuya Kimura, I agree you are a fine looking man and I can see that you'd be a hit with all the ladies of the land of the rising sun. It's just the movie that I despised. That's all. 

Squid and Mock...I still love you and I'll be 'round next month.

To my friend, Hiromasa Tetsuya of Japan, I ask this question: 
Naze, kono eiga wa totemo subarashīdesu?
廣政徹也:   なぜ、この映画はとても素晴らしいです?

23 comments:

  1. Haha! You're like Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys, and your comments were hilarious! I watch a ton of bad movies on the SciFi channel and a good sense of humor is imperative. Have a great weekend! :)

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  2. Too funny and I will not watch this flick any time soon:)

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  3. Even if you said you loved this movie, I wouldn't watch it. I know from the title that it's not my kind of thing. (Not that I don't respect your opinion--I do. I want to make that perfectly clear.)

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. The clarity surrounds me and I am at peace. I believe the words that flowed from your mouth.

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    2. That makes me feel a heck of a lot better.

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  4. I laughed through your entire review...

    Sorry you didn't like it. Toi didn't either. Mock was... diplomatic? I haven't read the other two yet.

    How do you feel about Pulp Fiction?

    BTW, you need to end a ka to the end of your Japanese question.

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    Replies
    1. Well, Squid, my tentacled friend, I am nothing if not honest in my reviews. There are many movies for many tastes, and we just have connect with the right one. If we don't, hey - no big whoop! Why are you sorry? Ha ha. Did you direct that?

      Though I prefer PG-13, I actually did like Pulp Fiction. I'm keeping the rest to myself till next month. :-)

      And if you think the only thing wrong with my Japanese is the lack of a ka, you've been bamboozled. You'll notice I called on my Japanese friend - he would straighten me out.

      Thanks for the great blog hops! I'll participate as much as my schedule permits; yours are a favorite!

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    2. Differing opinions is, of course, part of what makes an exercise like this fun. Stand by Me was an easy sell but all of the movies since have been more controversial. It's not really a problem for me - unless we start scaring people away, that is.

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  5. Since you didn't enjoy this movie, I must suggest a parody from Woody Allen. What's Up Tiger Lily? is a spoof on Japanese spy movies, and their mission is to find an old Jewish chicken soup recipe. It's all dubbed with classic neurotic Woody Allen lines. It came out in the 60's. For some reason, your review reminded me of how some movies are so bad that they're good. I'm impressed that you speak Japanese, though you really should brush up on those ka's!

    Julie

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    1. Thanks, Julie - but I don't speak Japanese! I memorize and play around with a very small bit of knowledge, like phrases and greetings, to keep in the loop with a friend from high school (from there). He also says I speak perfect Japanese. He's wrong. :-\

      I never got anime, either, and there's more than a couple of young people who chastise me about that, ha ha.

      Thanks, Julie!

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  6. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't like it. I wish I had the sense of humor you do. This is a very entertaining review. It almost makes up for my bad movie experience.
    Unfortunately, I'm a glutton for punishment. I think I might actually try to watch it again, and finish it, to see if that makes a difference.

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    1. Toinette, Toinette, Toinette...don't go there, love. If a fire burnt you, would you still stick your hand in it till you got a better result? Of course, not. Step back from the computer...

      (Thanks, I try to tap into some humor...especially when I'm at a loss for words!)

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  7. I enjoy watching a lot of Japanese movies, but I guess it's a good thing I've never seen this movie, huh? "Look, it's Halley's Comet..." Haha! Your review was funny!

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  8. Kon-nichiwa...
    Loved your review.
    But I enjoyed the movie faults and all.
    To me it was very true to the TV series. My review hits on this and the Japanese psyche behind it.
    As you liked Pulp Fiction I despised it. Which is good because if we all liked the same thing life would be so boring.
    If I review Pulp Fiction I will have to list it like your review, with body count, drugs taken, amount of swear words and unwashed hair.... but I am not sure I could pull it off so fun as you did.
    Plus I really don't want to watch it again.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Never even knew there was a television series, so there ya go!

      As for Pulp Fiction, the story line is what I like - the clever way it all comes together. As for drugs, foul mouth tirades and bad behavior? Hate that stuff. Unfortunately, no one wants to keep it PG-13 for me, which is a shame. There's enough talent floating around to fill the void left by cursing. But it is fiction, thank (no) goodness.

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  9. Sounds interesting! I sat through plenty of American movies like this when I was younger...now I just stick to comedies and romances!

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    Replies
    1. Learning how to weed out the duds is an art.

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  10. Not my kind of movie, but I'm glad I stopped by to read this. :)

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    1. Somebody somewhere loved it or we'd never hear of it. It just wasn't me. I'm more of a chick flick, comedy or exciting drama gal...occasional scary tale...

      Thanks, Medeia!

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  11. I wasn't to be diplomatic in my review...my only complaint was my lack of understanding the native language.

    And I love the MST3K nature of your review, too!

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    1. When MST3K was in his heyday, everyone told me that I could easily be one of the silhouettes in the foreground. Not sure if that was a compliment...

      Thanks for stopping by, MOCK!

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo