Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving


Twas the night before thanksgiving, Mom is tied to a cart,
Battling with others who didn't shop smart.
Dad thinks he is helpful (though I want to choke ya),
Gonzo's loafing in Starbucks with his vente Mocha.

My brain, it was clouded with requests and dislikes
Of those headed toward me on various turnpikes.
At times I would waver and think I might quit it
(This meal looked so easy when my grandma did it).

All at once I saw purses and coupons a-flyin'
And I ran to the aisle to see what chicks were buyin'!
What's the excitement? I don't mean to be crass,
But these couponing wenches are tight with the cash.

When what to my bloodshot, tired eyes should appear?
But a turkey - on sale - twice the size of my rear.
"We don't need that turkey," said Dad, "it's absurd!"
I just blocked out that nonsense - I'm fixing that bird.

The underpaid butcher stood there at his post
And I noticed most turkeys looked tired and sclerosed. 
With one hand on top and one hand on the bottom,
I grabbed that big turkey and yelled, "Hon - I got 'em!"

We can't roam,
Let's go home,
This bird must defrost.
I'm cooking,
Then baking,
...I best not be crossed.

I'll whip up the stuffing that you all call "dressing,"
You'll wear a nice shirt, and you WILL say a blessing.
My sons and my man will proclaim, "What a mess!"
Who's cleaning up after?

 I'll give them one guess.

15 comments:

  1. Cherdo, there's no way I can top this hilarious poem of yours. It's medium rare to find one this well done. It's a classic and I smiled and laughed all the way through it. Thank you! I wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving, dearie!

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    1. We don't top each other, we compliment each other.

      Once again, I hit "save" instead of "publish" so it didn't automatically publish at 12:30 a.m. I may have a version of blogger senility setting in, ha ha.

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    2. Have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING and give Mrs. S my love and and a turkey inspired hug. Be safe, be well and God bless you, Shadzilla.

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    3. Happy Thanksgiving...from THE SIX OF US!!! (LOL)

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    4. Oh, my...forgive me if I am laughing...

      TIP: Grab your favorite part of the turkey before it hits the table. It's your only chance. ;-)

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  2. Very, very good, CHERDO!

    >>... I'll whip up the stuffing that you all call "dressing,"

    RIGHT ON!
    How does one take chopped bread, celery and herbs, STUFF it INSIDE a turkey and call it "dressing"?

    "Dressing" is when you cover something up from the OUTSIDE!
    For example, if I go to the store without DRESSING first, A) I'm going to be very cold in that grocery store, and B) before long I am going to be very cold inside a jail cell.

    HU-UUU-LLO, PEOPLES! That turkey you're workin' on? You STUFF it. You don't DRESS it. But if you do dress it, you're a pretty weird person... and don't use my good boxer shorts and my favorite T-shirt on it!

    Happy Thanksgiving, CHERDO.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    Replies
    1. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Stephen! Have a safe holiday, keep warm and God bless.

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  3. I loved this! I've re-written Twas the Night Before Christmas many times, but never for Thanksgiving. Last year I did "Twas the Night Before the Deadline."

    Happy Thanksgiving, Cherdo!!!! :D

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  4. This is hilarious! Wonderful post and the turkey sounds like a steal. Enjoy your Thanksgiving meal:)

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  5. I call it stuffing. Great poem.

    Love,
    Janie

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo