Cresting the informational waves that crash into the shore of my homepage, I saw a link to an article that addressed things that might cause your dog to bite you. Not too many surprises on that list; it included things like possessiveness, maternal instinct and feeling threatened.
It got me thinking. Nothing about the list even remotely touched on the personality quirks of my dog. There are reason that she might be inclined to bite a person, but none of them are even in the orbit of normal. Coco the Wonder Dog is as picky as a dog could ever be. You can challenge my claim, if you dare, but it will only make me write more dog blogs. After sharing my humble abode with this nutty dog, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of crazy.
Coco might not ever bite, but she gets so ticked off that you'll wish she'd just bite and get it over with, once and for all. You might ask yourself: What did I do wrong?
Reasons My Dog Might be Ticked Off at YOU:
1. You don't have a defined purpose that includes a dog. Even worse, you don't realize that your purpose should always include a dog...specifically, Coco.
How dare you come into her home and act like you know one of the humans? The only rational reason to ever come to our house is to see Coco. Consequently, she doesn't bark or carry on when she sees strangers; she just runs to her toy box and grabs a ball...because no one would even think to come to visit with any other intent than playing ball.
But, let's say that you do come...and it has nothing to do with the dog... Oh, brother, you're going to get two big, brown evil eyes. Realizing you don't know your place, Coco will assume her seat on the throne (recliner), place her feet on the armrest, and watch you like a hawk. You may wish her potential ill will. Why else would you chose people over pooch?
Coco likes everyone, basically; she just doesn't trust everyone. Once she knows and trusts you, a guaranteed spot on the "poodle approved list" is waiting for you. Until then, you get the eyes of death.
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| The girl is almost ready to be "fetch-worthy." |
2. You expected her to sleep on a chair without a blanket. Specifically, one of her blankets. What are you - a barbarian?
This one irritates me. She sleeps on the chair without a blanket during the day. Once she decides it's time to hit the sack, er...chair...you need to make her bed for the evening. RIGHT NOW.
3. You don't understand the schedule.
My husband will go to bed hours before I will; I'm a bit of a night owl naturally and now that Gonzo has hit that wildly popular teenage pursuit of somnolence, he sleeps in. Perfect time to gradually slide into night owl mode again (I don't have to get up early and I'm a flipster...I do what I want).
Coco is a canine clock; she will tell you when it's time for medicine within five minutes. Naturally, she knows when Hubzam should be going to bed and she doesn't care how funny Jimmy Fallon's monologue might be or that the movie hasn't ended. She will stare down Hubzam; I've known him to get up just to end the constant stink eye from Coco. Woe to those who can't read the Cococlock.
4. You didn't put grated Parmesan on her food.
When you read that, it just reeks of being farcical. The thing is - it's true.
Just like every other stubborn habit Coco has, it is a Herculean task to get her to change food. And she has allergies that affect her skin...yada, yada, yada...they put her on $32-a-bag dog food. She would gladly starve herself rather than give in to the demands of the carpet walkers. In an effort to entice her to eat the new (and necessary) food, I tried adding a little Parmesan. She'd knock you over for cheese. Eventually, it worked. That was three years ago. She won't give it up.
Oh, you're so smart...I can read your mind. You're saying, "Don't give her food...she won't starve herself." Yes; she will. There's a reason we say if Coco was a comic book super hero, she'd be called Annoya and be blessed with the ability to annoy the stew out of you.
5. You want her to come inside.
Oh, this one is easy. She's ticked that you want her to come inside, but she is going to find a comfy spot on the sidewalk and plant her rump. She'll keep her eye on you, though.
Coco comes inside on Coco-time. Think you might have broken that habit? Naw. She was just willing to come inside.
6. You want to give her a bath.
Spoiler alert: Coco has allergies and special shampoo, so she has had baths every 2 or 3 days for the past six years. Odds are, on any given day, it's more likely than not that a bath is imminent.
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| "Yes...it's bath time...again..." "Mercy, brother..." |
By now, you realize that I could go on and on.
But who am I kidding? I've already sat at the desk long enough to make Coco pout, and you know we can't have that. Mad dog in the living room! Step away!
