Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Tired of This Stinkin' Snow


The snow continues to make life difficult and schools are cancelled. By now, everyone has pretty much lost their fascination with the white wonder and we're loving the layer of ice even less.

This week, our gutters on the house are full of frozen water and the downspot had a solid block of ice protruding out of it like extruded toothpaste. Not much we could do about it with the weather against us.

I had a little bit of excitement when a trip to the grocery turned to a backward slip and slide while visions of my van's sticker price passed before my eyes. 

Our neighborhood entrance is a hill that forks at the top. Each fork is an incline, also. I chose the left fork without fear; I grew up in the land of the big snow. About half way up the hill, I realized I wasn't going to make it and there was no way to turn around. Responding to my psychic projections, my van started turning around in the road by itself and my only passenger, Gonzo, probably thought  that I was backing up. I say that because he had a calm affect, which was the wrong response to our situation.  

But I'm no quitter! I tried it one more time and once again, I slid backwards and somehow managed not to hit anything or take out a few mailboxes. Don't tell me there's not a God. 

God is also the maker of idiots, too; I proceeded to try and drive up the right fork of the road and experienced a worse scenario than my first attempt. Halfway up, sliding backwards PLUS people pulling up behind me even though they could see my backward slide and had no better traction themselves. A tense five or ten minutes followed until I was able to turn around. The cars behind me never pulled aside, I had to go around each car and then got to watch them attempt the hill unsuccessfully. My bad example was not enough to dissuade them from trying.  

Again, Lord, in case I didn't mention it...thank you for saving me from myself. I crept to the back of the neighborhood and was able to get home safely. 

My first stop, once I was in the door, was to phone Hubzam and tell him to come home and give him a heads up about the hill. No use waiting for lower temperatures to make the situation worse; he agreed and left work early. On the way in, he stopped to check out the gutters.

Hubzam had the strangest grin on his face when he came in the house and inquired: "Cherdo, have you looked at the gutter?"

No, not really; I wasn't even thinking about the gutter. We walked outside and there at the base of the house lay a skunk about five feet from my front door. We weren't sure if it was alive or dead; it looked alive, as a matter of fact. Carefully, I moved closer to get a better look. Okay, I also took a picture. Meanwhile, Hubzam picks up the shovel left by the door and began scraping the sidewalk. 

Holy cow, man, I'm still standing by this skunk! Don't wake him up!

Sadly, it was then that we realized that little Stinky had come to my front door to find his final resting place. Maybe he thought the millstone in my garden was a tombstone. 

I'm just thankful for the third time today that I've been spared a big stink. Not only that, but my critter-chasing Coco, the Wonder Dog, would have brought Stinky in the house and shook him or her like there was no tomorrow. 

What a crazy day. Spring can't come soon enough.

R.I.P. Stinky. No calling hours are scheduled.

22 comments:

  1. It will be no time at all before we're all complaining about the heat.

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    1. Specifically, I should just be complaining about the roads. I lived in NE Ohio for half of my life and snow didn't stop anyone; they took care of the roads. It's not so easy to manage in the South - they're just not equipped for it.

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  2. At least Gonzo didn't wrap his arms around his head and scream "we're all gonna DIE"? Brother #4 did that once, and he very nearly did by the time Pop was done with him; he had to shovel everyone's driveways for FREE the rest of the winter. This would be the brother who's favourite saying was "Don't applaud, just throw money."

    Very glad you made it home safely!

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    1. Every family needs a drama queen or king, right?

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  3. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    It is I/me, Shadé Le Pew, the dead skunk of blogging. I wonder what happened to that little skunk and why he ended up dead at your front door. (Could it be your neighborhood gangster's alternative to putting a horse head in your bed?) I hope that skunk doesn't turn out to be a trick-or-treater who has been lost and perfectly preserved in ice ever since K-ville's first major snowfall of the season on October 31.

    You did the right thing by turning back and abandoning those two travel routes, the treacherous icy slopes that lead to your house. The lesson learned is that you always have other choices. For instance, you and Gonzo could have parked the car and spent the night at Base Camp 1, Base Camp 2 or even Base Camp 3, then set out fresh at first light to make another run at the summit; or you could have hired a Nepali sherpa climber to guide you to the top using a series of ropes and pulleys, grappling hooks, ice picks and oxygen masks and tanks. I can picture it now. Even with the help of an experienced guide the ascent is riddled with problems and setbacks. At one point you lose one of your gloves when it slips off your hand into a deep crevasse. You grow tired, oxygen running low, about to give up, sit down, curl into a ball and simply "fall asleep." Suddenly, miraculously, you spot another lone glove protruding from a snow drift. You seize the moment and the glove and, with renewed hope and vigor, trudge onward and reach the pinnacle by day's end! I hope the two of you posed for selfies once you scaled the final ridge, arrived at the top and planted your flag in the ice pack.

    What a feeling... up there where the air is rare!

    I'm on the top of the world looking down on creation
    And the only explanation I can find
    Is the glove that I've found lying on the snowy ground
    Your glove's put me at the top of the world

    Happy Wednesday, dear friend Cherdo!

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    1. I don't know what happened to that skunk, I think he was just worn out and done, son. He looked like he just curled up to nap, but he hadn't been attacked or hurt. Add this to the long, looooong list of odd things that animals do when near Cherdo.

      Loved your story, but you forgot the part where Sylvester Stallone comes along and saves the day. And he's not even wearing a coat! Yo, Adriennnnneeeeeee!

      Check your email and have a great day!

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    2. Shady's lyrics made me laugh. hahahahahaha ha

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  4. Wow. I can't believe the other cars didn't get out of the way! Glad you're safe though. Enough snow!

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    1. You and me, both, Maurice! I kept telling my son, "Why are they not moving?"

      I'm with you - enough already!

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  5. Some drivers are crazy no matter what the weather. In those icy, snowy conditions one has to always be on the lookout for all the other cars. My husband has a story about trying to get up an off ramp in South Dakota that is hilarious, mostly about the other drivers who thought if they went faster they could get up the hill. Very funny. Glad you are safe and Stinky didn't wake up!

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    1. I'm also glad that Stinky wasn't (stinky, that is).

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  6. I'll take the heat any day over all this crummy snow. Well Stinky just wanted to make you squirm a bit, getting the last laugh as he passed.

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    1. Oh, he got my attention. Believe me, he had my FULL attention.

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  7. Poor Skunk. And I'm with Pat, heat over cold any day of the week. We got another 6-8 inches of snow last night. Yay.

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    1. Oh, girl, I'm so with you...how many blow dryers do you think we might need to melt 6-8 inches?

      Great news: it's on its way again tonight. Criminey.

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  8. I guess the skunk had had enough of winter and decided to check out.

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  9. I guess the skunk had had enough of winter and decided to check out.

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  10. The skunk I can understand. Once upon a time, Scrappy found a baby skunk who was drowned on our hiking trail. Must've floated out of a den onto the trail. Thankfully, sniffing it was enough for Scrappy.

    The traffic I can to an extent... it's all about, "Look at the dumb butt, I know I can do better than that." For me, such a sight says, "No work for this guy today..."

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  11. I am glad you got over that hill. I have been in a similar predicament in the past and was grateful to make it down as 11 other cars were stuck. Poor Stinky...the cold was too much for the little critter. He looks like a youngin

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  12. I hope that we all will get a relief from this snow soon enough. Stay warm.

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  13. I have not seen a skunk since I moved to Florida. Plenty of lizzards and I killed a palmetto bug last week. It was running around under the dining room table. I don't know why. He certainly wouldn't find any crumbs there. He should check under the chair I'm sitting in right now, but don't tell him. I guess don't tell his friends, because I stomped him to death and flushed him. I'm a good snow driver. I got stuck once after driving home in a very heavy snow. I walked in the house and told X he had to get the car out (he called a tow truck). Then I sat down in my favorite chair and fell asleep for many hours.

    Love,
    Janie

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  14. I know a lot of people are without power in East TN...that's no bueno. We were iced in for about two days and people were freaking out.

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo