Friday, March 6, 2015

Funny You Should Ask That Musical Question...Part 2


It's time to address a few more musical questions; in fact, it might be well past time.
 I'll give it my best shot.


Don't...Don't  you want me?
Don't You Want Me
The Human League

Truth be told, I don't even know you on a personal level. Not really.

I once had a ticket to your show in a teeny, weeny club in Youngstown, Ohio, long after your hey-day and you bailed. Your career wasn't big enough to do the last-minute bailout. We were already at the club. That is a bailout that is reserved for big names, like Elton having a hissy fit...or Bono breaking his moneymaker strumming arm. Not Human League, lest the point is lost on you.

My friends and I were forced to sing all your hits for the other club patrons. Fortunately, it only took two minutes.

So...no, I don't want you NOW. We're both over the hill NOW.


How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Blowing in the Wind
Bob Dylan

Zero roads, my friend. The aerobic activity has no bearing whatsoever on what people will call you. If you're walking with hand weights, you may be in the game, but I can't guarantee anything. You might have to break down and purchase a "I AM A MAN" t-shirt. 

Which brings up another issue: If you're wearing traditional female clothing, it's going to be a crap shoot trying to guess how many roads you'll have to walk down before they call you a man. I'm open minded, but this doesn't seem practical in light of the goal of being called "a man." Stay away from florals or horizontal stripes, regardless.

[Spoiler alert: there's no answer floating along on the breeze. You're just a guy walking down the road, wondering who he is. Don't start talking to moving air. It's pointless.]


Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?
Wouldn't It Be Nice
The Beach Boys

Well, I need more information before I answer. Older than what?

Older than eighteen years old? Yes, definitely. Ditto for twenty-one.

It gets a little sketchy after that and prone to personal preferences.

Would it be nice to be over thirty? Well, it's not terrible. You have youth and a general idea of what you want to do with your time.

How 'bout over forty? Fifty? Sixty? Seventy? See, there's  where the age-ism comes out.

Ha! Jokes on you, haters - we are old but totally in touch with our checkbooks, real estate, holiday menus, and blood pressure meds.


If I were a carpenter and you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?
If I Were a Carpenter
Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash

Hey, I have no problem with dating a skilled tradesman. But before we procreate, tell me this: has the work been steady? You know the construction trades are up and down. I've got to think about that imaginary future baby, buddy. 



All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
Eleanor Rigby 
The Beatles

Hmmm...let's see: dating sites, celebrity fan clubs, fast food job fairs, hyperhidrosis support groups, the Julie Newmar autograph line at Comic Con, grocery store at 4 a.m., Saturday night at the dollar flick...yeah, that covers it.

If you have a pressing musical question that you'd like to see in the next installment, tell me about it in the comments. I aim to please.

*******

Have a nice weekend, peeps. Stay warm, cool or vertical - whatever works for you.

55 comments:

  1. See that girl with Bob Dylan? She was so close to him she could have killed him right then and there. It would have save a lot of guys in the 60's years of musical suffering.

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    1. Ha ha ha...and she should have, he was awful to her!! She was a much bigger star when she met him.

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    2. Poor Joan Baez. She was so in love with him.

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  2. You have officially cracked me up. I hope you don't charge Ha!

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    1. If I have done it, I wanted it to be official.

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  3. >>... My friends and I were forced to sing all your hits for the other club patrons. Fortunately, it only took two minutes.

    Ha!-Ha! I'm happy to say that I can't place them. Couldn't name a hit song of theirs. Except I guess the one YOU named... now. What was it again?

    Serena Williams was called a man, just walking across a tennis court, before I was ever called a man while walking down a road... or anywhere else for that matter. In fact, I'm still waiting. Steroids would help but... Serena took 'em all.

    >>... All the lonely people, where do they all come from?

    I'm pretty sure they came from the same place all the popular, crowded people came from. And that's all I'm going to say about the Feminine "Monologue".

    >>... If you have a pressing musical question that you'd like to see in the next installment, tell me about it in the comments. I aim to please.

    I have two musical questions for you:

    1) What is the hidden meaning to the bear and psychedelic radio?

    B) Will you make it to my 'Battle Of The Bands' installment and post a vote before the deadline?

    3) If you already posted a vote there, will you just tell me my memory needs exercise and then ignore further Question number B?

    3b) Do you think I'm Sexy, and you want my body?

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. 1) Most of the cartoons that seem senseless to the general public are totally meaningful to someone in the Cherdo circle. PSYCH! This one has no meaning. (The bag people, however, are there because someone hateful said that the internet was geared toward the young, not old bags. The person was referencing a 41 year old and I was standing right there...hello? So, I make sure I put a lot of old bags in my blog every now and then. It's proof that the internet can handle old bags. Speaking of which, you're in the next "bagged and tagged" cartoon.)

      B) I'm there - late, but there!

      3) Ditto alpha number B.

      4) I've never seen your body, but I do have an extra one (Hubzam). If you're speaking in the Rod Stewart voice, I will remind you I've seen a picture of his body and EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY DO NOT IT?

      Tally them votes! When is the Reno launch day? You must keep blogging once you get there.

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    2. CHERDO ~
      Thanks for the fine answers. This old (geezer) bag from the 'Class Of 1977' thinks yer doin' great with the Internet. If you ever run into Internet problems, however, just remember the old maxim:




      (I've forgotten what the old maxim is, but hopefully you remember it.)

      I look forward to being "bagged and tagged"... I think.

      Poor Rod Stewart. OUCH! (He never shoulda axed.)

      The Reno launch date BEGINS (it's a 2-day trip) on Wednesday, March 11th (if all goes according to this Plan Number B this time). And once I get Internet service there, I do intend to resume my blogging hijinkses. Blogging is my only form of revenge.

      ~ D-FensDogg

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  4. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    It's time to rejoice (or, in my case, reJoyce)

    'Cause I'm back
    Yes, I'm back
    Well, I'm back
    Yes, I'm back
    Well, I'm back, back
    Well, I'm back in black
    Yes, I'm back in black

    Back in the back
    Of a Cadillac
    Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack

    I can relate to your story about The Human League, a group whose "Greatest Hits" could all fit on a 45. The first week of 1986, I took my production crew to a venue where The Thompson Twins, another popular British act of the 80s, were slated to perform. Our VJ interviewed the group prior to the show and they came across as smug, aloof and bored with the whole matter. Their curt answers and condescending attitude seemed to say "If you're not Dick Clark, I don't have time for this."

    << How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man? >>

    My question is this. How many roads must I, Shady Dee-Lite, walk down in my stiletto heels before they call me a woman?

    In today's mixed-up world, I can imagine a band called Charlie and the Mansonettes performing an updated version of "If I Were a Carpenter" mashed-up with Roger Miller's "That's the Way It's Always Been."

    If I were a mass murderer (alternate lyrics "serial killer") and you were a lady,
    Would you marry me anyway?
    Would you have my baby?

    Girl Chorus: Hell yes, I would marry you in a heartbeat
    Good girls need bad boys to make 'em feel complete

    Leave the door open and the fly comes in
    Leave the door open and the fly comes in
    Leave the door open and the fly comes in
    That's the way it is and how it's always been that's the way it's always been
    Fall yourself in love and get your teeth kicked in
    Fall yourself in love and get your teeth kicked in
    Fall yourself in love and get your teeth kicked in
    That's the way it is and how it's always been that's the way it's always been

    << All the lonely people, where do they all come from? >>

    I'm not sure, but I can tell you this. I once sat next to Pee Wee Herman in an adult movie theater and discovered that we have a lot in common.

    (BA-DUM-BUMP)

    It's been haunting me for years, Cherdo. Please answer the following musical question:

    (Who's zoomin' who?)
    Take another look and tell me, baby
    (Who's zoomin who?)
    Who's zoomin' who?
    (Who's zoomin who?)
    Now the fish jumped off the hook, didn't I, baby?
    (Who's zoomin who?)
    - Aretha Franklin

    Have a safe and happy weekend, dear friend Cherdo!

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    1. Quick, someone tell me how to type a marching band musical fanfare? Shady is back from his southerly journey.

      Your groove I do deeply dig
      No walls, only the bridge, my supper dish
      My succotash wish
      I couldn't ask for another
      No, I couldn't ask for another
      Groove is in the heart, Groove is in the heart
      Groove is in the heart, Groove is in the heart

      I'll have to settle for psychedelia. Whew, I had to spellcheck that puppy.

      Everything about The Thompson Twins made me think that they would be aloof and smug. For the record, I don't think they'd be one bit better for Dick Clark, Dick York or Dick Nixon. "Hold Me Now"....no way, you shaved your head.

      By the way, I'm zoomin' everyone. I'm an equal opportunity zoomer. I think that needs to be on my blog profile. I think I'll add it.

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    2. Oops....I forgot - have a great weekend. Is there a lower head count this weekend? Wouldn't that be lovely. Wine is in your future.

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    3. Yessum, I'm sitting here all alone in my empty nest...misty eyed...yearning to once again hear the pitter-patter of little feet! :) :) :)

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    4. You Shady aren't a laugh a minute. You're a laugh as fast as I can read.

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  5. Cherdo, looks like you have lots of suggestions here for another musical review. Fun post. Have a great weekend.

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  6. Those sound like interesting songs. Who is Bob Dylan?

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  7. Haha! This is hilarious! And I was singing the songs in my head for each one.

    Oh, and you'll be proud to know I successfully backed up my blog. I'll do it every couple of months now. Thanks for the link! :)

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    1. Yay! It's too good to risk it.

      Have you done a post about formatting a submission? Send me a link.

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  8. Who needs an imaginary future baby? Being a carpenter he could build one. If he builds it she will umm err umm come?

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    1. They could have a splinter cell of handmade babies. Excellent idea.

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  9. Several years ago I started re-writing that Beach Boys song and couldn't get much farther than:
    Wouldn't it be nice if we were younger
    Then we wouldn't have to take those pills
    Ya know the kind that help enhance "performance"
    And cure the other cranky old-age ills...

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  10. You know it's gonna make it that much better
    When we can say goodnight and .... actually sleep the entire night through without getting up a million times to use the bathroom...

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    1. Thanks Shady! That's a real complement, cuz you're one fun-guy!
      Ba da bump !

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    3. Gary James and Shady Dell Knight - in cahoots! (Shady, I've known Gary so long that I can't remember when I met him...maybe freshman year in high school? And yes, Shady, I did go to a real school.)

      That is another sign! Just like the Four Llamas of the Alpacalypse!

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    4. >>... Alpacalypse

      Now how come I didn't think of substituting "Alpacalypse" for Apocalypse?

      To quote Terry "The Toad" Fields:
      "I don't know - I guess maybe it's just the booze or something."

      Yeah, THAT and a year and a half of graveyard shi[f]ts have dulled my wit. However, even when I was sharp and witty and sober (that day in 1994), I was still nuttin' mo' than a poor man's Cherdo.

      ~ D-FensDogg

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  11. I laughed all the way through Cherdo. Cash wasn't a carpenter but they made it work.

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  12. I love the reclining bear with the radio-must be a chick bear:)I remember Human league and that is just not right. They are not Madonna or Elton so leave the Diva tactics in the dust. Talking about blowing in the wind...my hubby did that last night & I had to open up all the windows:) I think that Beach Boys song should be played for the 117 yr old Japanese lady who is now the oldest person on Earth. There are too many lonely people and this struck a chord for me as someone I held dear died, all alone in his bed from Heart Failure. This is my ex's brother and they are cleaning out his apartment. No food but an abundance of empty beer and whiskey bottles...can't get more lonely than that. Sorry to be a bummer. On a nicer note, when do we bring forth the next movie to watch? I know the one I will pick but when do we mention this??

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    1. Awww, sorry about your friend, Birgit. :-(

      We announce the movie the day of the blog hop! I can't wait - it will be fun.

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  13. Cheryl,
    Just a couple months ago I was trying to remember how we met. I do indeed believe it was freshman year in Earth Science? We were discussing capillary action, you were me lab partner? and you covered your index finger and thumb with A LOT OF SALIVA, turned to me and proceded to show me just how that concept works!
    I thought "OMG what a weird, strange girl!" But you were just the right amount of weird, strange that I didn't run the other direction and instead we became fast friends.

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    1. I have NO memory of that - I kinda thought that it was when I made all the paper instruments in class. I remember you laughing.

      THAT SAID...I'd do anything to rattle you, ha ha. It's totally possible and since you were the one psychologically damaged by it, I'll assume you know best.

      Now Shady is going to remember that forever.

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  14. << We were discussing capillary action, you were me lab partner? and you covered your index finger and thumb with A LOT OF SALIVA, turned to me and proceded to show me just how that concept works! >>

    It's gonna take the jaws of life to pry that image out of my head! :)

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    1. Oh, Lord, I might have to kill Gary. Nevermind...it's too late now.

      I have no memory of that feat of scientific discovery. I do, however, know that I would do something crazy.

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  15. Hi Cherdo,

    Awesome post, lovely music and the first image made me smile. Thank you! :)

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  16. I know each one of these songs. I never got "Blowing in the Wind" either. I love this "Ha! Jokes on you, haters - we are old but totally in touch with our checkbooks, real estate, holiday menus, and blood pressure meds." Perfect!! :)

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  17. This blog is the perfect illustration of how music serves as the backdrop for our lives. This reminded me of my first concert--Mr. Mister. The Bangles were supposed to open for them but over the summer between the concert being announced and the actual date, The Bangles became bigger than Mr. Mister. They bailed and we were stuck with some local no-name band as an opening act.

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    1. New Kids On the Block started out opening for Tiffany, and she ended up opening for them.

      Love,
      Janie

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    2. I loved Mr. Mister (loved the Bangles, too).

      Once, long ago, I had Pat Benatar tickets...when we bought them, she wasn't that big of a deal. The week of the concert (small club), her picture was on the cover of Rolling Stone. My friend and I were in the front and I came home with a big bruise across my chest from being pushed into the stage by the crowd. Best concert ever!

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  18. I kinda liked the HL back in the day.... wouldn't think near as much if they stiffed me. MY nephew used always call 'em the Urban League. We heard a lot more about THEM back then.

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    1. Ha ha ha...I'm going to call them that, too. Maybe the Suburban League.

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  19. The question about whether business has been steady (before we procreate, not that we will) made me laugh. Did The Human League have any other hits? Occasionally, a band came to Topeka. On one of those rare occasions, they canceled a couple of days in advance. I think they were called Styxx? I wasn't going anyway. Jim Croce played in Topeka not long before he died. That I wish I would have seen. I'm still the proud owner of two you don't mess around with Jim, Operator, albums.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Don't You Want Me and Human are the only ones I would put in the "hits" category. I guess Fascination was sort of a hit, too.

      I would have killed to see Jim Croce or Harry Chapin or Harry Nilsson before they died. I've seen a lot of big names, but there's always more, more, more!

      Favorite Jim Croce: Time in a Bottle AND Photographs & Memories.

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  20. Since she out me down there's been owls puking in my bed.
    I stay out late at night and in the morning stay in bed
    Rhonda you look so fine, and it won't take much time.......

    Help Me Rhonda, by the Beach Boys

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    1. So many questions that I would want to about that one. ..

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  21. Hilarious. I hope there's a part 3. :D Some lyrics are so funny or vague when you're reading them.

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  22. Well, if he's walking down the road without his pants on...probably only one will do.

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  23. Great answers! Let's see, other musical questions...

    Does anybody really know what time it is?
    Does anybody really care?

    Frere Jacques, dormez-vous?

    Who wrote the book of love?

    What's goin' on?

    What's your name?
    Who's your daddy?
    Is he rich like me?
    Has he taken any time to show you what you need to live?

    How much is that doggy in the window?

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  24. Til this day I had no idea what Blowin' In the Wind was about. How about "Are you strong enough to be my man?" (Sheryl Crow)

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  25. If I were a carpenter and you were a lady,
    Would you marry me anyway?


    What if I was a carpenter and you weren't a lady? I mean, I'm not against gay marriage, but I also don't want to be gay married under false pretenses. It's just not my thing.

    (This was hilarious, btw. Well done)

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo