Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Hump Day Headlines...I'm Confused


I know I'm a little tired tonight, but these are actual headlines from today's local newspaper that left me wondering about the full story.

"Pot, cash, gun found inside apartment safe"

Safe? If I were a intent on doing something wrong or worried about where I could hide something - like a gun - it would be good to know that you could keep it in an apartment and it would be safe. I guess that's the kind of information some less creative criminals might need. Just hide it in the apartment, man.

"Coffee police: Child shot in the head improving"

I'm sorry that this child was harmed, truly I am. But it's good to know that the coffee police were on the job. I've told my children repeatedly, Mama needs her coffee. It would be best if you stay out of the way until I am fully java-sized. Don't make me call the coffee police.


29 comments:

  1. If the money was exactly $6518 it was mine. I left it there for safe keeping. Can you get it and send it back to me?

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    1. I'm going to see what I can do, Mike...

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  2. Coffee police? What are they? The town is named coffee, right?

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    1. Actually, it's the county name. But I'd like to believe there were some coffee police I could call when anyone interferes with my morning routine.

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    1. I'm expecting someone to diagram that sentence for me...where's Janie Junebug? Ha ha.

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  4. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    Shecky Shady Shaft here, Chief of the Coffee Police and Seattle's Best.

    For years I've been Chasin' Sanborn and Hills Bros.

    I hope to have 'em back in the can at Maxwell House by Eight O'Clock.

    Cherdo: Sanka
    Shady: You're velcome!

    On the side, I've been hunting for Count Chocula, the cereal killer who put the bite on Cap'n Crunch and stole the Leprechaun's Lucky Charms just for Kix.

    Cherdo: Any more terrible puns?
    Shady: Nut 'n Honey, Cheerio!

    OLD BUSINESS FROM PREVIOUS POST:

    I have needed Peggy Lipton many times.
    In my dreams I have kneaded Peggy Lipton many times.
    "Bad scene. Mama swung pretty good."

    Happy Hump Day, dear friend Cherdo!

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    1. I laughed so much at that one that I can't think (it's my "rush out the door" day). Tell the truth, Shady...you are a coffee pun expert, cruising the internet for that one shot and proving your coffee superiority. Well, good news: that task has been accomplished.

      When I was a young super sleuth, I loved the Mod Squad. I had a huge crush on Pete (Michael Cole). He had great hair - if the pictures are true, he still has great hair but boy is he a whole lot less mod. You must google (it can count as your workout if you do it 100 times).

      Still waiting for Janie to diagram those sentences. What is the use in being in the court of the Queen of Grammar if you don't get free sentence diagramming?

      Have a good day, I gotta scoot out the door and put some edumacation in some cortexes.

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    2. All in all, I'm just another schmuck with a blog. But, boy, that Shecky Shady Shaft can spin coffee magic! I almost salivate at the thought of what he might be able to do with beer, brew... you know, SUDS.

      Hmmm... Let a person even so much as acknowledge that they know the subject matter when someone mentions "The Mod Squad" and that person has geriatrically outed him- or herself.

      Well, gotta run. My break is over and I've got to get back to Room 222 where I'm taking my final test on Sweathog History.

      (With this comment, I have now offically Jumped The Shark.)

      ~ D-FensDeputyDawg-Dogg
      "You put them eggs back in the hen house, Muskie!"

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    3. I watched Room 222...I can hum the theme song. Sadly, I can hum a whole lot of theme songs.

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  5. Coffee police? I like the concept as a means of dealing with stale and decaf coffee.

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    1. Heck, yeah! I had some off brand a few weeks ago that was downright felonious.

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  6. The coffee police have an elite squad called Starbucks. You don't want to mess with them. They're bitter.

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    1. That's what I'm saying (Maurice Mitchell, you are keeping comedic genius under wraps, rascal).

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  7. Could it be the Coffee County police in Alabama?

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    1. Anything is possible, but that would limit the pun potential.

      Nice hat.

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  8. Cherdo, I would bet you could go back into many issues of this newspaper to see crazy headlines about the coffee police. Interesting how our language can be so distorted and misunderstood.

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    1. I love crazy headlines that can be taken more than one way, don't you?

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  9. Those coffee police are a bit higher up than the donut police.

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    Replies
    1. The two units work closely together.

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  10. Ok the 2 headlines together just made me giggle because the coffee police are happy that the pot and gun is safe even though the kid was shot in the head. Wow! I guess they have their priorities straight. Now I can just see a skit where someone is having decaf and the police come in and taser him

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    1. Yes! Someone needs to get on that skit right away!

      I'm still thinking about your porch... :-)

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    2. Thank you...it is really nice isn't it:)

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  11. Coffee police. We used to have legends about phone cops who came after you when you smashed into one other rural roadside phone boxes. (Accidentally, of course.) It was a hoot a few years later when Johnny Fever tripped out about phone cops on a WKRP In Cincinnati episode.

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    1. I was thinking the phone cops were promoted to detectives...maybe I'm thinking of doorstep detectives who investigate flaming paper bags.

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  12. Coffee police. Coffee police? I don't get it. What should it say? I've seen many unusual (to put it mildly) headlines in newspapers. One of my favorites was JOBLESS FIGURES TUMBLE. I pictured people without jobs falling out of windows.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Coffee is actually a county, but I refuse to acknowledge that publicly...Doh! Why'd you make me do that, Janie??

      Didn't you love Fran's headlines? Hilarious.

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  13. I think you'll find the child is improving BECAUSE it was shot in the head :)

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    1. Ah...a young man without children....I remember those days (vaguely). ;-)

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo