Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Hump Day Sing-a-long: Newspaper, Newspaper


Hubzam and I are having a bit of a newspaper power struggle with the new delivery man and the local newspaper office. It's frustrating. We loved our last paperboy, who was a single mom with kids, actually. Every morning, she'd bring our beloved newspaper down our driveway and gently throw it on our sidewalk before 6:30 a.m., thus perfectly meshing with our geezer daily plans to read the news while drinking some java. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

We have a new paperboy, who is very much a big truck driving man, and I'd climb up on the side of that truck and wring his neck if he ever slows down. We have a lovely spot for him to pull in and turn around easily. He has totally torn up the yard on the opposite site - and that's not my yard! I need an angry neighbor, right? We are missing newspapers on a regular basis, too. Twice this week! Taking the next logical step, I tried to call the paper and ask them to leave him a message. The phone system requires ten minutes just to get to the point where you can ask "someone" to return your call as soon as possible. Based on three calls and the news circulation staff's actions, it's not possible to return my call.

Recently, we took a group of young humans on a tour of the newspaper. A staff member told us how the jobs in print news were drying up and how much they appreciate the readers' patronage. Pooh, pooh, I say. I'm not feeling so appreciated or valued. So before I give up and cancel, here is a song just for you...

Newspaper, Newspaper
Sung to the tune of "Matchmaker, Matchmaker"

Newspaper, newspaper
Where can you be?
Money was paid-
I have my needs!
Newspaper, newspaper
Coffee awaits,
I need to know others' fates.

News guy, oh news guy
Your job really stinks
You picked it out-
What did you think?
News guy, oh news guy
It's too much to ask
That you complete this one task?

For Papa, bring him the biz page
For Mama, she needs Life and Arts
For Sonny, he will ignore you, 
He now reads all his news for free, online!

News business, news business
How is it fair?
The one that loves you
Must kiss derriere? 
Just to get one of your precious print-tomes
I'll beg and I'll cry
If you'll just try
Delivery to my home.

~~~~~~~

(I'm not bitter.)



31 comments:

  1. Been through this with my paper guy too. If you can stand it, cancel. They will be calling you back within days with a 'special rate' to get you sign back up. Sign up with the stipulation that the delivery guy has to do it right. If the delivery guy doesn't do it right, cancel again. They will call back. Work an better deal with even stricter stipulations.I have been doing this off and on for years now. They always call back.

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    Replies
    1. Good advice, if I can get past the phone robot. Seriously, my neighbor will be ticked about the yard and I don't blame him.

      Delete
  2. Oh and if you are missing a paper call up and get credit for that day. If you call early enough they will have to come out that morning and redeliver.

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    Replies
    1. I believe they make the manager do the follow up...that might be an idea...

      Delete
  3. Loved the song!! We cancelled after about 55 years of subscribing--too much aggravation.

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    Replies
    1. Did you sing it out loud, Fran?

      I'm amazed at how many people have dropped it already.

      Delete
    2. Of course I sang it out loud!!

      Delete
  4. My last paperboy was a boy... on a bicycle.
    That tells ya how long ago I stopped getting the paper.

    Too much aggravation and expense for "All The Propaganda That's Unfit To Print" (but which they publish anyway).

    Plus, all that black newsprint on my fingers, and then the crinkling of the paper every time I turned a page made it difficult to hear my Lawrence Welk album playing.

    Now I just read a few trusted websites for my news while listening to... my stomach churn.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boy, you've got that right. We do have a paper that leans one way more than the other. Just news, folks! Is that too much to ask?

      Delete
  5. We no longer get a newspaper... all the cats in the neighbourhood apparently considered ours a port-a-litterbox.

    OR they were expressing their opinion of the news.

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    Replies
    1. Ooohhhh, that is yucky. I agree that it might have just been a cat opinion piece.

      We had a neighbor's cat that liked to use our mulch right in front of our window...it made our cat flip out.

      Delete
  6. Java is not fussy. It will be drunk alongside an Ipad and laptop. In fact your mug may prefer the clean hands clasping it. I miss the old black and white ink though but for clearing windows not reading.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is pure wisdom: "Java is not fussy."

      Frankly, I read most of it the day before online - it scrolls by on the email group.

      Delete
  7. … as a former paperboy* I thought ok, it's traditional to give them a tip during the Christmas season, but in the last few years, they've been leaving notes to remind me to leave a tip. huh!

    sorry, should introduce myself. I'm a List-neighbor on the A-Z Blog Challenge… and I'm out wandering around the near-list to see who is writing what kind of blog…. pleased to meet 'cha!

    *is that now, more properly, 'paper person'? nah… that'd be silly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, a new visitor! I love when that happens - nice to see you on the Flipside, Clark!

      (I'm with you...paper person? Naw...)

      Delete
  8. You would think with fewer people reading the newspaper, they'd try harder to keep customers. Time to get ugly. Or give up and read the newspaper online.

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    Replies
    1. My thoughts exactly! I'd be trying to retain customers and make that goal #1.

      Delete
  9. I miss Metro Pulse, that used to come out on Thursday.

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    Replies
    1. We have a Metro Pulse, too...K-ville?

      Delete
  10. We cancelled our paper years ago and now get what we need online. I do feel a bit guilty because I used to work for our local newspaper as an illustrator, but papers just aren't ecological and are hard to get rid of.

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    Replies
    1. It's a hard thing to justify - all I can say is I like paper, but that may change.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Ah, I have relatives in your neck o' the woods, too. :-)

      Delete
  12. Our USAToday is very sporadic, and we can't figure out if the mail person put it in the wrong box (we are in a subdivision) or if it didn't make it from the newspaper HQ. Very aggravating when I can't do my Sudoku!

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    Replies
    1. I, too, am addicted to Sudoku! Great minds!

      Delete
  13. My hubby and I delivered flyers for over a year because we got a little money. We brought the paper and flyers right to the door & in the mailbox. We made sure never to walk on their lawns. This bugger would not last 2 seconds with my hubby. He would be out there reaming him out big time. If they want to keep their business they better start making it easier for you to contact them

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    Replies
    1. I'm amazed at how ticked I am at this dude's continued yard damage.

      Delete
  14. At one point, we had (in another neighborhood) a problem with neighbors getting to our Sunday paper before I could. Solution? Get up early, exchange new newspaper with old, load with squishy dog poop, step on it a time or two, replace in the yard. within 2 weeks never had to do it again. Too bad no way to apply to lazy delivery guys.

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  15. I like your song. I had this experience with a "paper boy" years ago. For every paper I didn't get, I deducted that amount from the total I paid each month.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brilliant! He's definitely killed any tip.

      Delete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo