Tuesday, June 16, 2015

In Case of Emergency...I'm with The Rock


If there is ever a natural disaster and we pair up for maximum chance of survival, I'm with Dwayne Johnson: The Rock. Last Friday, I did a case study to help me choose my partner when I saw San Andreas, his new movie. Forget about 2D or 3D - I saw it in 1D... D as in Dwayne.

Now, Paul Giamatti was pretty much the "hero seismologist" in this flick, but I don't see me and Paul outrunning an earthquake any time soon. It feels so wrong. There's no way Paul Giamatti would let me ride piggy back and, if it gets too scary, that is my assigned seat.

Don't get your britches in a knot; I'll make sure Hubzam is relatively safe ('cause he is a relative) and then I'll tell him, "Wait here! The Rock and I are going for help!"

Here are a few of my observations:
  • The Rock is an LA Fire Department helicopter-rescue pilot. When a young girl's car careens down a steep canyon, the LAFD gang hovers overhead in their helicopter and drops a line and an EMT down to stabilize her car and save her. Disaster strikes! The car slips and the EMT is pinned with the car seconds away from plunging to the canyon floor! In spite of the fact that there are other EMTs in the helicopter and The Rock is the pilot - he puts the helicopter on autopilot and saves them both with only micro-seconds to spare. If you want something done right...
  • In the movie, the Rock's character is divorced, but still cares for his family. A beloved daughter still lives with Mom and another daughter has passed away and The Rock feels responsible - he couldn't save her. His marriage has crumbled in the aftermath. Mom's divorce papers arrive just as The Rock is leaving to pick up his daughter and then Mom also drops the bomb that she is moving in with her wealthy boyfriend. Get this: The Rock doesn't clobber them both and shout, "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?"  You know, he could. He totally could. But he doesn't. Now that is restraint and self control - two things I admire in a survival partner.
  • Knowing that he and his ex-wife aren't on the best terms, he still flies his helicopter like a madman to save her as a building crumbles beneath her. He wasn't even distracted by the fact that she was eating lunch with Kylie Minogue. A lesser person - you know, someone like me - would have at least said, "Hey...was that Kylie Minogue I saw tumbling down with the rest of the building?"
  • Does The Rock stop there? Heck, no! The Rock-daughter is also trapped in an unknown spot somewhere in San Francisco. His helicopter gets trashed - he just hops on a small plane. 
  • The plane can't land in the rubble filled, unstable streets of San Francisco. No problem. The Rock just uses autopilot again and jumps out with a parachute. Don't forget - ex-wife is there, too, and she can't parachute alone. The Rock just happens to have the gear to do a tandem jump and land right in the middle of a sports arena. The man knows how to pack for a trip.
  • When the inevitable tsunami is looming, the Rock hops for a boat and aims it right at the tsunami. He's fearless and he's going to get over the huge tsunami wave before it crests. None of the guys in my family would have thought of that. Even the mighty Hubzam would have turned to me and said, "Yow, baby, hold on - we're gonna die!" 
  • The Rock can hold his breath a ridiculous length of time. The Rock's daughter is finally located in a quickly deteriorating structure. Water is rising; a thick panel of glass and a blocked door separate them and they are both at risk of drowning - and quick! The water covers The Rock's daughter and they both are underwater now, still trying to escape. She loses consciousness and sinks. At this point, I realize that holding your breath is not genetic because The Rock's daughter can only hold her break a tenth of the time that The Rock can. She's unconscious and he is still working at getting her out of there. The man could have blogged the incident himself from underwater...he held his breath that long.
  • The Rock's CPR training is current. When he finally get his daughter out, his CPR skills bring her back to life. 
  • The Rock has a good attitude - and he's optimistic. Looking back on the battered and flattened San Francisco, ex-wife asks what they will do. The Rock comments, "We'll re-build." In view of his other feats, he may mean that he personally will do it, but the movie ended before we ever found out if he was certified for plumbing, electrical work or carpentry. I'll bet he was trained in all of them.
The Rock makes mayhem look good. One more time, peeps: if there is a disaster, I got dibs on The Rock. 

42 comments:

  1. I could do all that stuff if I wanted too. I just don't feel like doing it right now. Netflix ... Ya know?

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    1. There was never a doubt in my mind...

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  2. The Rock would also be great on Karaoke night; what more could you want in a hero?

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    1. That's true! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtzQ0Kca8MA

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  3. "Hey...was that Kylie Minogue I saw tumbling down with the rest of the building?" Hilarious!

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  4. Replies
    1. I can share, but remember the disaster rider in the contract. If the ground starts shaking, as much as I love ya - you're on your own. I think Mel Gibson is free.

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  5. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    It is I/me, Shady Del Knight, and I'm.....

    LIKE A ROCK

    "Like a Rock" (Like Iraq?) and "Built Ford Tough"
    I'm the one to call when the goin' gets rough.
    I'm an astronaut, a cop and a fireman, too,
    And that ain't all I can do for you.

    I'm a bodyguard, a bouncer and a private eye
    Lion tamer, gator wrestler, don't even have to try
    The Chairman of the Bored and a super secret spy
    And an undercover agent for the FBI.
    (Or is it FIB?).

    Question: In your illustration at the top of the page, why is The Rock carrying Beatle John Lennon on his back? :)

    Thanks for the entertainment, dear friend Cherdo, and have a great day!

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    1. You're a poet and I didn't know it. That's a lie. I totally knew it. You're multi-talented. You're highly refined like the good sugar on the grocery shelf.

      Actually, I just got a cartoon haircut, so I can understand your confusion. But John Lennon never wore red glasses. That's how you can tell. Also, Yoko is not trying to come between me and The Rock, another telltale hint. I had to modify to match my actual summer haircut.

      Truthfully, if that picture was totally accurate, The Rock would be groaning a little or at least asking, "how many people are on my back?"

      You will always be The Shade. Have a great day!

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  6. He'll rock bottom that disaster and be on his way

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  7. He's better than MacGyver!! Dang is so yummy to look at too.

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    1. Oh, no, Holli...it's not the looks, not that at all...or the massive muscles; I'd never even notice that or how he glistens in the sun from a light layer of Rock-sweat...it's just a safety thing. :-D

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  8. This is probably the most tender performance from Johnson since "The Game Plan" and I'd join him in the helicopter any day.

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    1. If there is one more seat, that could happen...I got dibs.

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  9. As a fan of disasters, I can’t wait to see this movie! When I first saw a preview for it I said, “They stole my idea!” LOL! I’ve always loved The Rock and would jump onto his back any day. Disaster or no disaster. :P

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    Replies
    1. I'm remembering your A-to-Z, ha ha!

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  10. If i ever find myself in a natural disaster, or disaster of any kind, I hope The Rock is somewhere nearby.

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    Replies
    1. ...and I'll be on his back, so just follow us.

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  11. Dear Cherdo
    Please understand this... you and about a millions other will be lining up for a piggy back ride.
    But first you will have to fight me off. I have a cane and know how to use it !

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. In the spirit of fair play, I'm willing to wrestle you for it.

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  12. I haven't seen this movie, but it sounds like the Rock is so complete that he needs no one else! I just hope I have time to buy some sagebrush in Nevada before the big one comes and does in California

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    1. Exactly! Now you understand my choice.

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  13. This movie sounds completely ridiculous! I'd take the Rock as a survival partner. He seems to have his crap together, haha

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    1. You have to saddle up to someone in an emergency...I could do worse...

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  14. I think I've seen this movie before... like, about 100 times. Only it had a different title each time. And the story didn't always take place in San Francisco. Sometimes it was in an airport, sometimes it was in a towering inferno, sometimes it was in a big boat, sometimes...

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Oh, no - you said what I said nearly WORD FOR WORD. That's scary...

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  15. If I had a choice between ex and Kylie, I know which one I'D save. Gotta take points off for that one.

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  16. "We'll re-build." --a wonderful line, and true. San Francisco is not in a constant state of rebuilding --'06, Loma Prieta '89-- but of reinvention as well. Fun fun post, Cherdo!

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  17. I don't need to see this movie now. I've been thoroughly entertained by you. :)

    I wish I could blog underwater. Alas, it's not to be. I can barely blog sitting right here sucking down the oxygen.

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  18. Rock around the clock tonight, you're gonna Rock, Rock, Rock even in broad daylight. I don't think Paul Giamatti could save a fly.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Paul Giamatti saved the John Adams movie. Go watch it...it's on Amazon Prime. Skip everything else...

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  19. And when he coached that juvenile delinquent football team, teaching those kids to believe in themselves... Wait, different movie?

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    1. As Stephen said...they're all the same movie. This one had better CGI.

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  20. Now...does there really have to be a disaster for me to jump on the Rock? I mean on his back? Oh never mind as i am still dreaming of jumping him..I mean being saved by him. Yes I have a hubby but I can dream can't I? This sounds like a typical disaster flick that will be fun with chips and beer. I love your review-very, very funny:)

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    1. That's the spirit! Why wait? Where is The Rock today?

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Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo