If there is ever a natural disaster and we pair up for maximum chance of survival, I'm with Dwayne Johnson: The Rock. Last Friday, I did a case study to help me choose my partner when I saw San Andreas, his new movie. Forget about 2D or 3D - I saw it in 1D... D as in Dwayne.
Now, Paul Giamatti was pretty much the "hero seismologist" in this flick, but I don't see me and Paul outrunning an earthquake any time soon. It feels so wrong. There's no way Paul Giamatti would let me ride piggy back and, if it gets too scary, that is my assigned seat.
Don't get your britches in a knot; I'll make sure Hubzam is relatively safe ('cause he is a relative) and then I'll tell him, "Wait here! The Rock and I are going for help!"
Here are a few of my observations:
- The Rock is an LA Fire Department helicopter-rescue pilot. When a young girl's car careens down a steep canyon, the LAFD gang hovers overhead in their helicopter and drops a line and an EMT down to stabilize her car and save her. Disaster strikes! The car slips and the EMT is pinned with the car seconds away from plunging to the canyon floor! In spite of the fact that there are other EMTs in the helicopter and The Rock is the pilot - he puts the helicopter on autopilot and saves them both with only micro-seconds to spare. If you want something done right...
- In the movie, the Rock's character is divorced, but still cares for his family. A beloved daughter still lives with Mom and another daughter has passed away and The Rock feels responsible - he couldn't save her. His marriage has crumbled in the aftermath. Mom's divorce papers arrive just as The Rock is leaving to pick up his daughter and then Mom also drops the bomb that she is moving in with her wealthy boyfriend. Get this: The Rock doesn't clobber them both and shout, "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?" You know, he could. He totally could. But he doesn't. Now that is restraint and self control - two things I admire in a survival partner.
- Knowing that he and his ex-wife aren't on the best terms, he still flies his helicopter like a madman to save her as a building crumbles beneath her. He wasn't even distracted by the fact that she was eating lunch with Kylie Minogue. A lesser person - you know, someone like me - would have at least said, "Hey...was that Kylie Minogue I saw tumbling down with the rest of the building?"
- Does The Rock stop there? Heck, no! The Rock-daughter is also trapped in an unknown spot somewhere in San Francisco. His helicopter gets trashed - he just hops on a small plane.
- The plane can't land in the rubble filled, unstable streets of San Francisco. No problem. The Rock just uses autopilot again and jumps out with a parachute. Don't forget - ex-wife is there, too, and she can't parachute alone. The Rock just happens to have the gear to do a tandem jump and land right in the middle of a sports arena. The man knows how to pack for a trip.
- When the inevitable tsunami is looming, the Rock hops for a boat and aims it right at the tsunami. He's fearless and he's going to get over the huge tsunami wave before it crests. None of the guys in my family would have thought of that. Even the mighty Hubzam would have turned to me and said, "Yow, baby, hold on - we're gonna die!"
- The Rock can hold his breath a ridiculous length of time. The Rock's daughter is finally located in a quickly deteriorating structure. Water is rising; a thick panel of glass and a blocked door separate them and they are both at risk of drowning - and quick! The water covers The Rock's daughter and they both are underwater now, still trying to escape. She loses consciousness and sinks. At this point, I realize that holding your breath is not genetic because The Rock's daughter can only hold her break a tenth of the time that The Rock can. She's unconscious and he is still working at getting her out of there. The man could have blogged the incident himself from underwater...he held his breath that long.
- The Rock's CPR training is current. When he finally get his daughter out, his CPR skills bring her back to life.
- The Rock has a good attitude - and he's optimistic. Looking back on the battered and flattened San Francisco, ex-wife asks what they will do. The Rock comments, "We'll re-build." In view of his other feats, he may mean that he personally will do it, but the movie ended before we ever found out if he was certified for plumbing, electrical work or carpentry. I'll bet he was trained in all of them.
The Rock makes mayhem look good. One more time, peeps: if there is a disaster, I got dibs on The Rock.