Thursday, July 16, 2015

Get Back, Zuckerberg, You Geekzilla!

"You'll just be able to think of something and your friends will 
immediately be able to experience it too if you'd like...
This would be the ultimate communication technology."
Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook Founder and CEO (CNN Money)

Stop right there, Zuckerberg. You've caused enough problems for me already. Don't think for one minute that you're getting in my head. I'll go full on Jack Nicholson on you, Zuckerberg. Baby, you can't handle the truth. 

I'd like to make a few points:
  • A friend says her great Uncle Joe-Bob has been in a terrible weed wacker accident and needs prayer. Note the fifty so-called friends who have hit the "LIKE" button. What's to like about that, people? If you hit that button, I can only surmise that you had a deep rooted dislike of Uncle Joe-Bob or that weed wacker. A close second might be that you really like to pray, and that's great - don't get me wrong.  Either way you look at it, "LIKE" just doesn't cut it.
  • That "LIKE" button is the stupidest thing on the planet. Hire me for a few months and I'd fix that thing once and for all. "LIKE" is not a one size fits all remark. Fire the dude that thought of it. I saw The Social Network - was it Timberlake? It seems so Timberlake.
  • So, you're able to create a whole social network that services 1.4 billion people (and I'm sure that number is incorrect, because ten minutes have passed and more lemmings logged on). You can't add an alternate button choice?  How about a simple "DULY NOTED" button? It send the right message; I see what you wrote and I noted it. I'm not for or against it and I haven't ignored it, so don't post some thinly veiled statement or meme about how you wonder if anyone really pays attention to your posts. It was duly noted. Note the noting.
  • You forced me to use Messenger. Mrs. Zuckerberg (the senior one) surely mentioned that it's bad manners to force anyone to do anything. And you also want me to invite my friends to do the thing I didn't want to do - but did. 
  • This new thing you invented doesn't make anyone more social. It makes them less social. Facebook is not a choice, it's a swap for a lot of people. The constantly flood of information feels like uninvited company. Even though you have access to all the old friends you cared about, you also get saddled with the fringe people you didn't care about. Look - there's the chick who blatantly tried to steal my high school boyfriend and she's telling me "happy birthday." Oh, yay - a friend request from a guy who had the nickname of The Flatulator" in ninth grade...I haven't seen, heard nor spoke to him since. Yep...that's a real friend. Facebook, you promise filet mignon and then fling TVP at me. For shame.
  • People who never spoke to me or later stop speaking to me will be forever ticked off if I unfriend them. I don't get that! There was nothing magical about "friending" someone in the first place.
  • Even with my hesitancy to add anyone but close friends, I've been cornered and failed 466 times. The line between all the friend levels is too vague and I blame you, Facebook, for forcing my hand.
  • Privacy? Bwahahahahaha...
  • Terms of service? Try to hit that moving target. You change them while I'm reading them so by the time I get to the end of the paragraph, I still don't know what the current terms of service might be.
  • Bait and switch? Bingo - you're great at that.
  • Farmville, man; Farmville! Isn't it enough that I kill real plants? I've crushed candies, treasure hunted and played a month's worth of bad Scrabble with kingdude7833129...I done my time. And XI is a word.

So...now you want to facilitate messaging between brains? Why? Does that mean that if an insane person wants to share his philosophy, I'll have to have those nutso thoughts in my head? 


How are you planning to keep politicians out of my head? Seriously, I'm having a hard time doing that myself right now and I'm not even using your future product, Brainbook. Dang it, voting will be ridiculous...how will anyone know if my Brainbook is on or off. Someone is going to ask me to leave my brain 50 feet back from the voting booth. That won't be good (though it's been done).

One of the greatest things about humans is that they don't know what everyone is thinking. The stupid newsfeed of Facebook is almost ruining that, too. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and if they value it, they should keep it locked up or someone else might pound it to death. 

I don't even go in my head. It's scary in there. Now you want access? Tough zuck; no deal.

45 comments:

  1. Keeping your mouth shut is the biggest redeeming value a person can have. Not that I've ever been redeemed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will be denied, too...no redemption here.

      Delete
  2. My complaint about social media is that it enables people to ask favors of me...like "Will you meet me for lunch and tell me how I can get published?" Or, "Will you drive across town to sign books for a woman I'm trying to impress who has a daughter?" Both of those things happened and both were from people who hadn't really spoken to me before or since...they just wanted to use me. Saying no would have resulted in them thinking I was a horrible person. I even had a woman I met as a child ask me if I'd drive to the bad part of town to ask a cell phone company why they hadn't mailed her friend's cell phone back to her after fixing it (both she and her friend were in Florida). I didn't respond and she hasn't interacted with me since on the site. She's probably unfriended me. Does this stuff happen to anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A certain someone was making super rude comments about everything I said on Facebook. I couldn't say that someone's kids were cute without her getting nasty. I blocked her. I blocked a couple of other idiots, too. Facebook has been fine since then. I use it mostly to see photos of my great nieces and nephews. I post links to my blog posts. My Facebook time is very limited. That's the only way I can handle it. I ignore people if I don't want to get involved with them. I feel no obligation to help out the person who was in my homeroom in junior high who calls me by the wrong name.

      Delete
    2. I totally relate, Stephanie! Instant access is not the wonderful blessing it seems to be.

      Janie, block the negative - each and every time. Life is too short.

      Delete
  3. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    LIKE!!! LIKE!!! LIKE!!!

    (3 LIKES is the highest possible compliment, It means that I really really REALLY like what you wrote here!)

    I just read Stephanie's comment and it gives me the shivers. There is no worse feeling than having somebody friend you, suck up to you and then try to use you. I have experienced it in blogging. There are people who only show up to comment on my blog once in a blue moon and when they do they leave a brief, generic, Twitter tweet comment that makes it painfully clear that they are not interested in me, my life, my blog or the post. They have come for one reason and one reason only - to elicit my comment on their brand new post. Show me a person who visits my blog when I publish a new post (an average of only ONCE A WEEK), takes time to read the post, understand it and write an intelligent comment in response to it, even when they do not have a new post published and nothing to gain by it, and I will show you a genuine friend. The rest are simply users and their blogs drop to dead last on my list of places to visit and things to do. That's tough love and that's how I do business.

    Enjoy your Thursday, dear friend Cherdo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally believe the story Stephanie told and i know what you are saying is spot on, too.

      If I could have a super power, it would be the ability to always see through all the layers of bunk. Sometimes, they are considerable. It's offensive to real people and real relationships. With the anonimity of the internet, it is hard to tell who is real. But not impossible...time usually reveals character or lack of character.

      Poor Shady. You are stuck with me as a friend. LIKE.

      Delete
  4. I don't do Facebook. It's the airing out of possible dirty laundry, having a "God, I'm Wonderful" web page, and all those damned "Likes".

    "I am constipated today ." 456' Likes"'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is up with the dirty laundry? Isn't that crazy? I shake my head in utter amazement at some of the things I see posted.

      Delete
  5. The only real reason I ever go on Facebook is to make sure none of my family is dead. I found out yesterday that my grandmother has been admitting into the hospital for about 83 different things, because my aunt checked herself in there and somebody else asked if she was okay. (I don't need condolences. I'm not close with them.)

    To make it more bearable, I liked a page with a ton of cute animals that posts often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a total sucker for animal videos and pictures. I have the maturity of a toddler.

      Delete
  6. Zuckerberg's a scary little man. His creation is probably the beginning of the end for tolerable human interaction. Yet, I can't stay away. My high school friend's cousin's boyfriend's boss's dentist's golf partner's llama groomer's accountant's wife's pics of her latest nail polish endeavors are so hypnotic!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I often feel uncomfortable hitting the "like" button over something dreadful. Like: this kitten had acid thrown on it. Click "like" if you think this is terrible. Of course it's terrible, but hitting "like" doesn't seem right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the "like" button in most cases means yes, you'll do what the person has asked of you. For example, if someone asks for prayer and you click on like, you're agreeing to pray.

      Delete
  8. I don't think people even think about what it means to hit the "like" button. It's just automatic pilot. I just shake my head when I see people "liking" bad news.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm on it mainly because I can see photos that my ex takes which are really quite wonderful. The other thing that was wonderful was a long lost cousin of mine had pictures and wanted to know who the people were-I saw pictures of my dad when he was young that i never had plus old pictures of my grandparents in a horse drawn carriage when they married back in 1897. In this way-Facebook has been good. I do agree with you in everything you said. I had a former bully from high school want to be "friends" on this thing...really?? I can never hit "like" when someone is suffering or an animal has been abused-to "like" it seems too weird. I just don't understand how some people write everything they are doing on this site-I don't really care if you washed your hair and saw a bug in the shower, it will just make me not want to visit your place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a lot of friends and family, near and far, that i love to keep up with and follow. Like any online activity, you (and by you, I clearly mean ME) can get lost in all the other stuff you encounter.

      Oh, and I washed my hair, too.

      Delete
  10. "Like" is way too limited. Facebook needs a "sympathy" button, and an "I care" button. If Zuck does this brain thing, then I'm out.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm already inside your head, Janie Junebug!

      Delete
  11. I love the power of facebook. I have to admit it came in very handy when my dad was in hospital those few months leading up to his lung transplant and then afterwards. Daddy was on so many prayer chains from every state and a few other countries. I am so forever grateful for that. I am addicted I must admit. I like my friends sad posts because when I have no words it still acknowledges that I read it and that I know. I have no desire to know anymore about some brain idea though. I draw the line. No! Nada!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Power is right! It draws you in.

      When someone is going through a health problem, it IS a good way to keep up with them with large groups of people. If you look at my page now, you would find "prayers on the way" comments are probably the most common thing I do. Supporting people and showing genuine concern for others is the best example of using FB for good. Yay!

      Delete
  12. I think I kinda love you a little; in a sisterly sort of way.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I too have longed for a better way of saying "I read your post and sympathize" than the like button. Sometimes I use it and think immediately afterwards, "You are a doofus." And brainbook? Please, I don't even want to be in here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha...I know what you mean, Chris.

      Delete
  14. I hope Zuckerberg is a closet fan of your blog, and he has the good sense to take your suggestions. It is totally weird to see a bunch of people "like" a post in which someone writes about a death in the family, or some other awful thing.

    I only joined FB so I could see pictures of the grandkids, and know what's going on in their lives. But (shhhhh) I hardly ever look at it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I may be totally wrong, but i don't think the words "slim chance" adequately covers the estimated chance that Zuckerberg has ever seen my blog....can i use a negative number to express it?

      Family pictures and celebrations are great; I have to agree.

      Delete
  15. I do have an account on Facebook but compared to my blog, I hardly post, really. Now they were talking about a "dislike" button, for goodness sake. Isn't the "like" button enough? I see your point, Cherdo, about the "like" button being redundant and I do agree, but I think it is a cop out in the sense that rather than make a comment, most people will use the "like" button, as it is faster. Lazy, eh? Yawn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen! What's so hard about a comment if you have any sincere interest?

      Delete
    2. I think it would be akin to someone reading our blog but never commenting. LOL! :)

      Delete
  16. So, if I hear you right (and I think I do), I shouldn't send you a request to play Candy Crush?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can send them all day long, Al, ha ha. It won't make me play the game, but you can send them.

      Delete
  17. Oh, and yesterday I was on Facebook and they made changes yet again. Now, instead of seeing a "thumbs up" when you click on the "like" button, the "like" word turns blue. Ho-hum. And I really think that someone reading our posts on our blog and never commenting is akin to not commenting on Facebook posts. LOL! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're on to something, Linda!! Ha ha.

      Delete
  18. Oh, you hit the nail on the head. I refuse to "like" misfortune and depression and cries of pain. I might leave a comment of support and also leave the LIKE button alone. There should be a "I hear you" or some such clicker.
    And speaking of Facebookese: the word FRIEND has a different meaning there, also.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boy, truer words were never spoken. The "I hear you" button would totally work for me. It makes sense, whereas LIKE is just a lazy way to say "cool!" I don't think it's a good thing that our communication skills are going down the drain.

      Thanks, Mirka!

      Delete
  19. Yeah; I always hover over that "like" button when reading bad news. I don't want to comment with some lame sympathy; but like is just the wrong sentiment entirely. Please don't "like" my post when I admit "I'm feeling sad today!"

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You're so right - be real or move on.

      Most of the time, I really do sympathize with those who are going through tough times. After a while, though, when you're bombarded with every sad thought that 500 people ever had you run out of sympathy comments that sound legit.

      Delete
  20. The only reason either of us use Facebook is to stay connected to our readers. We don't have the app installed on our phones (it actually records what you say). We sign out of messenger when we're on a computer. And we don't share anything personal when we are on, or "Like" things like brands and companies, which is exactly what they want. Sorry Zucky, but you won't be making any moolah off of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Zuckman is going to remove us both from his Christmas card list.

      If I actually LIKE a brand, I'm crazy about it. I'm that stingy with my LIKEs.

      Delete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo