Monday, October 19, 2015

Did I Say That?

One of my true life adventure of Cherdo stories involves post-op me, wandering around a drugstore with Hubzam as he attempted to fill my prescription for me. 

A simple surgery turned ugly when they changed the plan at the last minute and gave me general anesthesa instead of a nerve block. I get sick in a Norse-gods-flinging-thunderbolts kind of way. My misery and GI betrayal fills the room and ellicits fear from bystanders. When I awoke in post-op, a pizza delivery kid stood at the nurse's station as they attempted to dress a stuporfied me. Brothers and sisters, I don't look all that good dressed...it just gets worse when you shed the garments. But do I need a reason to say I don't want to be exposed to a 17-year-old pizza delivery kid while paying top dollar for healthcare?

On the way home, we needed to get a prescription filled. Hubzam asked if I wanted to wait in the car or come in; I thought the walk might do me good. It was an idiotic thought. 

Frustrated by the outpatient clinic's subpar (IMHO) performance, my mind was going wild with "I can't believe that..." type thoughts and foreboding "what-ifs." I was in a real snit. Suddenly, Hubzam responded to one of my thoughts. I froze in my tracks and asked, "What made you say that?"

"You've been jabbering nonsensically since we left the doctor, " he replied. 

Boy, that was sobering...sort of. I was still trying to shake the anesthesia and now had a new worry. What had I said out loud?

Pretty regularly, I experience this fear that I might be thinking something so intently that it will pop out unintentionally, but I can say that I haven't actually done it since that outpatient surgery snafu. If mega-blurt was truly regular occurance, these are some of the things I'm afraid I might one day say outloud:

  • Family: "Hubzam, there's no way you could ever catch up to my lifetime totals of dishwasher loading events. Your engineering degree does not trump my track record. It's not a thermodynamics or fluid mechanics heavy task."
  • To my grocery cashier: "Hey! I'm here! Right here! Quit flinging that peach I spent waaay too long finding!"
  • The women's boutique employees: "No, I don't need help for the ninth time. Since I'm not stealing and don't suffer from confusion, can we just say that I understand you want your name on my receipt of purchase? Tag - you're it.  First one who calls it gets the commision. No one else need ask me if I need help."
  • Music store employees: "Ten teenaged boys who only know three songs have monopolized the entire guitar section and cranked it up to a stupifying volume. They are NOT going to buy anything, people! They'll be here every weekend! I've got 18 music books and 10 sets of strings in my arms and I can't get anyone to let me purchase them. Is this a store or a prank?"
  • Southern Friends: "Do I look sick? Why do you keep asking me, 'How ya feel?' I feel fine or I stay home."
  • Panera customers: "Are you using the line to the cashier to practice your reading skills in public? 'Cause every time I get to the second place in line, the first place holder is looking at the menu like they've never seen a bagel or soup before...and they are reading the whole menu out loud like it's a primer. We've been in line for ten minutes and the menu has been there the whole time..."
  • Family, Part 2: "Quit saying 'we' have to do things...we both know you're talking about me. The jig is up."
Whew! Glad I cleared that out of my head. Back to polite society. 

41 comments:

  1. Cherdo, sometimes you're scary!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Coming off anesthesia can do that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really does nutty things to me and makes me wonder if the cure is worse!

      Delete
  3. Good morning, dear Cherdo!

    They say the truth eventually comes out. That time is now. I was that 17-year-old pizza delivery kid. Thanks for the memories! :)

    Mrs. Shady is the type that blurts first and thinks later. There have been numerous times when we were out in public and her loud utterances had me searching for the nearest exit or, better yet, a portal to a far away galaxy. We recently had lunch at the local Panera Bread in our new town. I admit that I was overwhelmed by the amount of reading required to get through their extensive menu board. (It was a real page turner. I laughed. I cried...) When we got through the line and placed our order, the clerk told Mrs. Shady that the food she ordered was "a brand new item" and "an excellent choice." I was next in line and ordered something different. The clerk said the exact same thing to me, that the lunch I ordered was "a brand new item" and "an excellent choice." Hmmmmm. I wonder what she would have said if I simply ordered a cup of black coffee. I can imagine her eyes glazing over and smoke pouring out of her ears. :)

    Happy Monday, dear friend Cherdo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've got a bit of blurt-rrhea myself, usually with a hint of frustration.

      As far as customer service types, I can't really complain about our local Panera reps - they really have a crowd in there at lunch time. It has become one of my favorite meeting places. My friend, R, and I escape there occasionally and re-hash the week (try the sobu noodle broth bowl...mmmmmm). But I have to laugh at the counterside recitations.

      Faithful friend, soon I wil be back to normal-ish. I'm just few orthopedic appliances away from it! Till then, happy everyday, whether spoken, written, or just "wished" your way!

      Delete
  4. An extremely polite rant. I do hope you're feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm fine, Stephen, this is a past adventure tale. But thank you, dear.

      Delete
  5. I can relate to the Panera one.
    I'm afraid I'd say something to the person in front of me at the check-out line. 'What, you're surprised you have to pay for it? Is that why you're digging in your purse for your checkbook while the rest of us wait?'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...and that happens every time! I approach the counter with $$ in hand...see, I knew I was at Panera and they wouldn't just give me my high dollar salad...not sure about some of the others.

      Delete
  6. Great comments, Cherdo...you wrote what many of us would like to say, but keep quiet. One of my pet peeves is standing in the checkout while the clerk talks to the bagger like there is no customer in sight!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my head, I want to always be the polite one...but sometimes, I'm really afraid that some of those negative thoughts will pop out! They're so close to the surface.

      Thanks, Linda!

      Delete
  7. For the Panera customer:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUlf1F05gTA

    "Is this a store or a prank?" I'm gonna use that one...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh My Goodness, I just watches this I am still laughing !
      Thamk You.
      get out of the line..... YES !

      cheers, parsnip

      Delete
    2. Ha ha ha! John Pinette's rant is spot on! Thanks for sharing that one. I'm cracking up.

      Delete
  8. Panera customers: "...We've been in line for ten minutes and the menu has been there the whole time..."

    DOC CHERDO ~
    Oh, yes, I know that one. Not Panera - never been in one - but that same stupidity is occurring all over. I thought it was just an Airheadzona or Reno thing. (You know, places where I go, they go, just to irritate me.) But no, but no, but no! Seems it's a universal thing.

    Or as my friend Lonnie says: "Dumb is everywhere."

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dumb is everywhere and sometimes, it forms an orderly line.

      You need to get yourself to Panera right now and get the Sobu broth bowl...go ahead, I'll wait...or get the salad with arugula and grains...even a vegan can have something yummy there. I'll send you a gift card. :-)

      Delete
  9. Jasons Deli. Do yall have Jason's Deli's? For the love of all holy, it has a crazy long board of menu items and it stumps everyone. It drives me nuts.
    Hope you're feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's funny how some places are worse than others.

      I'll read the whole menu while I'm standing there, I'll admit that, but I do it before I get to the counter. In my head, I'll compose a new order of items I've never tried. Once I reach the counter, I'll take a breath and order the exact same thing over and over again.

      I'm fine - that was a past adventure that helped solidify my fear of blurting out what I really want to yell. But thank you, darlin'.

      Delete
  10. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG Oh My Goodness !
    Sorry to say this (sorry about the drugs) but I loved this post. I have the same problems with every thing (minus the music store) you have listed.
    That is why I sit in the parking lot and order my food, even if I am going to eat it there so I don't have to stand in line with idiotic people. It takes about the same time and I am not on the verge of a stroke !
    Fell better soon.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm feeling fine, dear, just telling a story of a past adventure.

      Once again, we are the same - I'd much rather drive through any place than go in. If I have to wait, I'll sit in my clean car and do so. Same for prescriptions.

      Hubzam is the opposite. He'll go in every stinkin' time. Hates drive-through anything because of the speaker. Says he can't understand them most of the time. Pfffft! I'd rather repeat myself and stay in the car, ha ha.

      Delete
  11. "Back to polite society."

    But for how long?

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL, I like the way you think! I've had some of those thoughts, too. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I remember riding home in the car...but only barely! And then I got sick. Every time I'd try to take the pain pills they'd prescribed, I got sick again. I finally just spent the rest of my recovery time popping extra strength Tylenol. I don't know what I'm going to do when the day comes that I really need the heavy pain medicine, if it all makes me sick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You described my post op routine. They prescibe something "high power" like a narcotic and it makes me sick as a dog, so I resort to Tylenol and the nurses say things like, "don't be a martyr - take the morphine!" There's nothing a hate worse than hurling...I'll stick with the Tylenol. It's not a martyr thing at all.

      When I told doc all that things that made me sick, he looked at me like a drug-seeker and asked "when did you get all these drugs?"

      Uh, wisdom teeth...c-section...wrist surgery...rotator cuff repair...shall I go on?

      Must I justify just wanting to stick to over-the-counter analgesics now? Is he writing "acetaminophen seeking behavior" on my chart?

      Delete
  13. I have been "under" twice and both times have said some crazy and unkind things.... I don't like being that far out of control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm with you there, sage. I'm the Queen control freak over my life.

      Delete
  14. About Panera: I can't see the board until I'm right in front of the register. It's easier for me now because I can order online and stare at the menu all I want. Did they really and truly expose your unclothed body to a pizza delivery guy? Calling Dr. Hippa.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa, who, whoa....I gotta get naked for the Dominos dude?

      Delete
    2. Janie, they absolutely exposed my half dressed body to a pizza delivery guy - and what was he doing in the unit???I was horrified; I woke to a nurse and Hubzam both trying to help me dress. Then I saw the pizza kid....oh, good grief...It was a free-standing day surgery and apparently, they close at five and my surgery went too long and they don't do after-five professionalism.

      Delete
  15. I agree with Janie about Panera. I've got really bad eye sight and can't read the darn thing until I'm right up there. Thankfully, the one I usually go to now has computers I can order from instead, so I typically do that so I don't hold up the line.

    I often times wonder if life would be better for me if I just blurted out everything that came to mind. It'd be more honest, at least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a time and place for a well-spoken blurt. It's the stuff of legends, Madilyn. :-)

      Delete
  16. Speaking of Panera (or any other similar establishment), I HATE it when they call me a "guest." One day (and I hope to one day say so), I want to say: "Guest? GUEST!? Do you make guests PAY for their meals? I am a CUSTOMER, you pimpled, teenaged twit. Uh...is there chocolate in that biscotti?"
    Hey, I may be a grumpy old man, but I'm not a barbarian.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's our ability to hold it in that separates us from the beasts, Al.

      You've made a good point...guest? Guest? Where's the good linen and amusements?

      Delete
  17. I actually read this right after you posted it (really late here), but I was too tired to actually come up with a comment. So, I told myself I'd come back tomorrow.

    Ah, well, that didn't happen. But I'm here now.

    I'm so grateful I have a filter. And that other people do, too (at least most of the time). If we all said everything we thought I think it's safe to say that we'd all be very much alone.

    Some of my most unkind inner dialogue happens at stores. The grocery store. Or Walmart-like places. It's everything from thinking, "How can she wear something with her butt cheeks hanging out?" to "The line for 10 and under actually means 10 items or less. Not ten of each item in your cart. That is actually 100 items, moron." Yeah, I keep them thoughts to myself. I like my teeth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Some of my most unkind inner dialogue happens at stores."

      YES! What is it? It's like a mentally become a monster - oh, the thoughts that go through my head. Once again, this supports my fear that I'll drop the veil and let it all blurt out. I'll make a horrible senile senior. Best keep my wits about me.

      Delete
  18. Hey! I'm that guy reading the menu in Panera! Give me a break. I'm kind of slow.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha...Arlee, Arlee, Arlee...you know you want the bagel - go for it.

      Delete
    2. Actually that's what I typically get when I'm at Panera, which is rare even though there's one across the street from where I live.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Tossing It Out

      Delete
  19. So..ya'll feelin betta now? :) Sorry I guess i should write "eh" after every sentence. You always provide me with a great smile. My hubby has no filter and he can't even claim he is on drugs or anything. The other day, when we went to vote, the 2 older ladies found out that we live common-law, that he doesn't care if they got too much information and that all 3 running for P.M. suck. Yup he is my trooper

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm fine - it was a past adventure.

      Common law is so common it should just be "mind-yer-own-biz" on any form that asks.

      In the US, they have all these rules about not politicing at the the voting sight - there's a certain distance that must be maintained. Consequently, you are bombarded before you hit that line. I always want to ask how many people are influenced by those promoters when they are two minutes away from voting? Your hubby would have a field day and I'd clap for him.

      Delete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo