Tuesday, April 30, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: Z is for Zinger

It's the last day of the A-to-Z Challenge and I have to say, it's been fun.  

To close, I'm keeping it brief. A sure sign of a geezer is the love of a good ZINGER.

My favorite geezer zingers:

"My childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
1. Go to bed early
2. Not leaving my house.
3. Not going to a party."

"Old age is when you know your way around, but don't feel like going."

"The five senses are incomplete without the sixth: the sense of humor."

Thank for stopping by, peeps! If you liked some of my humor, well...


(And actually, I hope you are.)

It's not too late to check out 
some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Monday, April 29, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: Y is for Yourself

One more day left in the Blogging from A-to-Z April Challenge 2019!

If you related to the many examples in my lighthearted look at all the geezer signs (experienced by yours truly, too), I think they add up to one thing: you know YOURSELF.

Whether it's your own quirks, love of reruns, forgetfulness, addiction to the newspaper, love of dogs, forgetfulness, love of old autos, fancy crappers, forgetfulness...at least you recognize those things as part of the whole.

And, in all likelihood, it's because you have the years in rear view mirror that have taught you not to be afraid of what stares back at you in the bathroom mirror. 

It's all okay.

But...fair warning...


Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Saturday, April 27, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: X is for Xenodocheionology

Xenodocheionology is defined as "the lore of hotels and inns."

This might not apply to all of us in the geezerhood years of life, but I've noticed something lately: I have quite a few friends (my age) with the same attitude about hotels. 

In a nutshell, that attitude is this: Sometimes, you just go there for no good reason...just to get away from home and switch it up a bit.

  • If you love a good night in a hotel...
  • If you've ever just gone off to a hotel for the sole purpose of feeling like you're on vacation...

And I'll meet you at the pool, okay? I'll be hiding in a robe.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Friday, April 26, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: W is for Weekends

Oh, we're almost to the end of our A-to-Z Challenge! But the geezer signs are still here, revealing themselves!

Today's homage to the Geez Life is the way we (yes, I'll admit it, I'm in the tribe) spend our weekends - or more accurately, how we don't

Flashback to my younger days, when my cutting edge social calendar was kept on a checkbook sized paper booklet. The other day, I found one of these old calendars in a box of photos and I was amazed at how often I had plans. Here and there, I had little stars to redirect me, indicating that there was no room for a notation. As I flipped through the calendar, it made me tired just looking at it. At the time, however, I'm quite sure that any open space would have been depressing to younger me. 

But, it's 2019, baby! And Hubzam and I rule the weekend. We're particularly selfish with our Saturdays, so if you can claim that you pulled me away from our regular routine on a Saturday...well, aren't you special? 

Our weekends are jammed packed with excitement, like:

  • Getting vertical
  • Making coffee
  • Talking about how I need to get dressed...some day...
  • Reading the newspaper
  • Discussing the newspaper
  • Talking about how we need to cancel the newspaper subscription because the paper stinks
  • More coffee, followed by comments about how we might be drinking too much coffee, and how we agree that we don't care - we don't have any other bad habits, after all
  • Planning lunch at a restaurant ('cause we're tightwads who like the lunch prices). Okay, stop a minute. I need to confess that this takes longer than all the other items on the list.
  • Going to Costco
  • Talking about what a waste our Costco membership is and promising to use it better...next weekend
  • Stop at the grocery store
  • Standing in front of the Redbox, discussing how little interest we have in most of the movies
  • Going home for some "easy" supper prep and recliner/television downtime. 
  • Try to keep Hubzam from watching "Jaws", "Patton", or any WWII themed movie (this is technically one of MY weekend activities).
  • Watch dumb TV
  • Watch even DUMBER TV after Hubzam konks out.
On Sunday, I generally do less, but there is the church wildcard and baiting the dinner table with yummies to get all the kids here at one time.

I'm not lying, folks...that list made me think, "Yay, it's almost Saturday!"

  • If you look forward to what you AREN'T going to do on Saturday and Sunday with wild-eyed, unbridled glee...
  • If you'd consider a genuine vacation day to be a conflict with your regular weekend plans (or lack thereof)...

No apologies on this one. I waited many years to get to this point and it's pretty sweet.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Thursday, April 25, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: V is for Vaccine

The news media is awash with reports of measles occurring in an alarming rate. Hey, I don't think that is funny in the least, just to be clear. Many armchair freelance epidemiologists point to "anti-vaxers" as the source of this problem. Just today, I listened to a heated argument about vaccination on the radio, complete with the mandatory CDC paranoia (or insight) and discussion of mercury in vaccines (or not). This debate has been around for quite some time.

Let me inject a personal historical factoid: a bout of German measles (Ja, ich bin mir sicher, dass es deutsch war...) and pneumonia almost took be on an early trip to meet my Maker when I was five years old. One of my grandmothers reminded me often of that fact and it was a sad coincidence that her youngest son had died of the same, exact unfortunate set of circumstances. 

Whether you're pro vaccination or not, I'm supporting your right to make that decision for yourself...but in my family, everyone was vaccinated and I'm thankful we never had a problem.

But Flipsters know that there is one geezer stamp we all share...and the young whippersnappers in Internet Land are probably still staring at the image at the top of the page and asking, "What is the heck is that??"

  • If you know exactly what that picture is...
  • If you have that same scar on your upper arm...
  • BONUS POINTS!! If you know that the "powers that be" stopped creating those "scars" routinely in 1972...

A sure sign of a geezer is the telltale smallpox vaccination scar on their upper arm. And I'll bet none of us ever got smallpox, right?

[If you have the scar AND you've had smallpox...well, I want to know THAT...]

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Wednesday, April 24, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: U is for Underwear

If  you really want to see me with my undies in a wad, that happened this very evening when I accidentally deleted this post. On to version two...since short term memory issues are sure signs of geezerhood and it is likely a totally different tale...

Continuing on my quest to uncover the red (or at least pink) flags at the main entrance to geezer land, I found myself sidetracked by my duties as laundry mistress of the front loader. Welcome to the fold...literally.

The thought occurred to me that my relationship with underwear has changed dramatically since I was first old enough to actually purchase my own. Let's call that "age 16." Any color, any pattern...preferably, plain old cotton. This diva's drawers didn't all have to match or be a style...this was back in the day when you actually covered underwear up and didn't leave anything hanging out as a fashion statement, ya get my drift? It was functional and if the gods of Ye Olde Wallymart were in a good mood, I could get a 6-pack for $5.00. No fancy name was required, either. Put the "wacky wear" on sale; I'd buy it. 

So, when did underwear get so complicated? I know I'm past the geezer threshold with this issue.  

My beef: Every package or pair of adult gutchies should have a checksheet on the front to allow you to make sure you know what you want and it should include of full disclosure of what you are buying. High rise? Low rise? Keep in mind, one gal's low rise is another's mid-rise...and hey, what the heck is going on with women's "boxers?" When did we start calling them boxers? Is there a picture of Rocky Balboa or Apollo Creed on them? And how many different kinds of leg holes can there be? All the options and information required to make a purchase -- sheesh! Is this part of the FAFSA application, it is certainly reminiscent of an intrusive, government venture.

As long as the girl skivvies don't start exploring the terrain like their own personal Grand Canyon, how bad can it be? 

Turns out, pretty bad, but that is just my opinion...and I've thought about all the lingerie options way too much in my search for the perfect underwear. I just get pickier and pickier as time goes on. There's one certain waistband I like (it's nearly non-existent) and one kind of leg opening. And the fabric better breathe...because it nearly takes my breath away every time I realize that I'm paying a ridiculous price for my drawers because of that pickiness. 

In a moment of weakness, I purchased some highfalutin' undies to satisfy my comfort demons. Now I'm hooked, to the tune of "3 for $60." Yeah. I think it's ridiculous, too. I'm sure I qualify for some "disorder of the month" or at the very least, I can say I have my first true addiction. I can't go back now. In all honesty, I suspect I would experience actual delirium tremens, like any self respecting addict gone cold turkey. They'll have to pry my high dollar panties from my cold, dead hands.

And all my friends "of a certain age" are the exact same way about their AARP approved Underoos. Coincidence?

  • If you know that Victoria's secret is this: "There's a high mark-up..."
  • If a lifetime of frugality goes out the window at the mention of "non-roll waistband..."


I'm pretty sure that most of us compromised a lot through the years. You are bound to be picky somewhere, some day. I'm planting my flag in my underwear drawer. 

[And if anyone tells Hubzam the going rate for bloomers, I'll hunt you down...I will find you...]

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
accessing the master list on the 

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: T is for Tribe

Another easy sign of impending receipt of your "geezer card."

  • If a lot of these "geezer" posts hit too close to home...
  • If you look at your significant other and wonder if he/she might be more geezerly than you...
  • If you smile and say, "Yes...that IS my tribe..."


More accurately, I'll bet you just KNOW you're a geezer...
you recognize your TRIBE.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 

accessing the master list on the 

Monday, April 22, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: S is for Spam

Okay, bear with me on this one. 

When I was a youngster, I didn't have computer problems and maybe that was the a blessing that I was blissfully experiencing. Who could have predicted that by my high school years, the age of the home computer was slowly but surely ramping up. 

Now, I'm certifiably geeky about some things and for a time, I even considered myself proficient on multiple levels with the business end of a computer. I've even taught some kids' classes for programming and proficiency...or just to keep themselves from falling down the rabbit hold of useless clicking. So, I guess what I'm saying is I'm not totally worthless with a computer.

Except when it comes to SPAM. My homegrown acronym for the phenomenon that is spam is STUPID PUSHY ANNOYING or MALICIOUS. I'm open for suggestions, except for the fact that I'm afraid it will be a ploy that garners additional spam. My claim of ignorance is fueled with more than a little hyperbole, but dang! I don't want this much maintenance in my entertainment.

Every website I visit on the notorious internet wants an email to move forward...followed by a confirmation...followed by an endless parade of email... Each once of these ventures ends up with my personal version of spam-a-lot, minus the hilarious Monty Pythonesque dialogue and musical segways.

  • If you delete more email than you read...
  • If you visit too many sites that want your email address...
  • If your blog dashboard identifies waaaaaay too many comments about the Oscars...or sports...or exceptionally great offers...
YOU MIGHT BE A GEEZER (with a computer).

Seriously, what does a geezer have to do to clean up this once and for all? Ugh.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
accessing the master list on the 

BOTB Results: "I Don't Know How to Love Him"

Wow! Lacking the humility to recognize my shortcomings, I have to say that I've always thought that I have a good sense of the outcome of the battles midway through the voting, but I was totally surprised at this result. The lovely SARAH BARIELLES WON by a large margin and I can't say I disagree, though I do always have a soft spot for Yvonne Elliman and a ton of respect for the pipes of Sarah Brightman.

Here's how the voting went:

Arlee, Chris, Debra, Cathy

Birgit, Debbie D., Janet, John H., Mike #1, Mirka, Stephen, aisasami

Mary, Mike #2

So, Sara Barielles, step up and sing us out...to the victor! Show us how it's done!

How did your vote stack up? Did you stop by...but NOT vote. Come one, folks, anyone can have an opinion, so join in! Missed your chance this month? Aw, now you know I'll be back with another battle on May 1. 

Meanwhile, check out the results from my peeps!

Saturday, April 20, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: R is for Reruns

In my elementary school years (back in "the day"), there was no great joy than the Fall line up of new cartoons and shows for Saturday mornings. This parade of characters and shows was a HUGE deal to a kid! A new season, or better yet, a whole new series trumped every Saturday morning plan in September. My friends and I counted down the days like it was a Jonny Quest Advent Calendar.

Hype for the new shows came at a steady stream. Does any network even do that any more? Are there no cartoon junkies in our midst or did that whole genre disappear, only to be replaced by comic books and Marvel vs DC discussions? 

I'll admit, there were some real dogs in the new line ups...and we didn't seem to mind. It was new! Say what you will about it, we'd never seen the new and improved shows and we were willing to wade through a lot of dookie to find the gems. 

I have a theory that a big part of the joy of kid show anticipation centered on "NEW." The vast majority of the world is new to a single digit aged kid. You just want to gulp it all in and sort it out later.


  • If you have watched a 20+ year old movie more than 10 times...
  • If you have spent a day (recently) where everything you were  watching was in black and white...
  • If you use YouTube repeatedly to find episodes of old shows...
  • If you own a DVD compilation of an old series...

Get behind me on this one, geezer-peeps. Let's face it, we probably own a home...a TV or two...a DVD player...we're set in our ways...maybe we hate reality TV or American Idol...we have Netflix, Hulu, Crackle, Amazon, YouTube, and a slew of other streaming options...

Why would we watch anything we don't want to watch? Or aren't sure we already like? This is the ultimate viewer control scenario. Bring on the reruns! I can re-do my whole childhood. Even the so-so shows. 

True Confession:  I actually watched H. R. Pufnstuf and The Banana Splits one night after the crew hit the sack. And I didn't even like them that much the first time around. But it's my television and I hold the remote, dagnabbit.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Friday, April 19, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: Q is for Quirks

Everyone knows that one of the pitfalls of youth is the power of peer pressure (I accidentally wrote peep pressure the first time...essentially the same thing). In the quest to find where you fit in or your place in the world, there's great potential for missteps. At worst, you fall in with the totally wrong crowd and start down a path that leads to ruin. In the best case scenario, you are lifted up with kind friends, nurturing relationships, and mutually beneficial adventures. 

Or maybe you don't aim that high and just want to hang with the cool kids and sit at their lunch table? To each, his own.

But, it goes without saying (and yet...I say it), everyone avoid the weirdos and oddballs. No one gravitates to that group unless you are in that group, in spite of what some B-movie comedies might suggest.

Here's where a change occurs and you see my geezer flag: I like the odd birds. Seriously, if I've known someone this long into adulthood and have an intimate knowledge of their personal arsenal of weirdness, apparently -- I'm all in. 

Quirkiness, for me, has to go beyond obsessive compulsive habits. Heck, everyone has a touch of that nowadays and it's just low level stuff. Iif you've had a lifetime to fine tune your quirkiness...bring it. 

Give me the former class clowns, dedicated pranksters, odd collectors, creative anachronism enthusiasts, speakers of Klingon, memorizers of the Ghostbusters script (especially if you do all the voices), food sculptors, and anyone who will do munchkins impersonations with me (just for the odd looks we will get). We will represent the Lullaby League! 

Make me laugh. There's plenty of serious time and we're not running out of reasons to scowl. Let's giggle at stupid things. I offer no apology for that sentiment.

The years have mellowed me and I realize that I love the quirky characters in my life so much more now than in the past. I appreciate and genuinely love their weirdness, obsessions, and most of all, the way they add a little color to life. Unique is awesome. The stranger, the better; as long as it's harmless. And all that weirdness we feared in our youth was 99.9% harmless. 

You do you, okay?

And, brothers and sisters...there's a lot of you quirksters out there. In general, as I said, I dig the free spirited, self professed looney toons of life. Come and sit by me and tell me your crazy stories. I've got a few of my own wild tales to spin. Have I told you about trespassing on Springsteen's yard? Quid pro quo, amigo.
  • If you really don't care if the rest of the world likes Dark Shadows (the original) and get that Barnabas tattoo...
  • If you have made your own super hero costume and think that's not at all weird because you only wear it in private...
  • If you have an odd collection and email me about every addition to it, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NEVER INQUIRED ABOUT IT...
  • If your "style" has been questioned more than once, but that just makes you more committed...
  • If you look in the mirror and smile at your own antics, thinking, "I'm an original..."
  • If you've done some crazy sumpthin' just because it would make a good story...

...and I'd probably hang out with you.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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Wednesday, April 17, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: P is for Priorities

  1. the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important;  a thing that is regarded as more important than another.

Maybe you are one of those people who never struggled with priorities in life at any time in your life. Kudos to you. You are in a small group of dedicated, organized folks who do the right thing at the right time. You know what needs done when...and why! You understand priorities.

The rest of us had had to grow up before that all came together (or I hope it all came together). 

Take finances, for example. I often wonder how much cash I'd have on hand if I'd started socking it away from the first day of work. But there was so much fun stuff that required money!  Cruises were a yearly occurrence when I couldn't really afford it, but I'd scrimp and save to make that happen...and occasionally, suffer the consequences of my travels in the form of scraping by for months afterwards. 

The sad thing about that misstep is that the thing I really enjoyed about the travel was the folks I was with at the time. My friends and I had just as many great times at the local lake...we didn't have to cart those jokes and pranks off to the Bahamas or South America. They worked stateside! 

I could have put those mighty bucks to better use, for me -- or someone else, if I was dead set on being broke (which, I think I was...for a while). In fact, I think one of those most important signs of growth in a person is when they realize that giving of yourself is a priority. You can't go through life wearing a catcher's mitt. 

Expounding on this notion of a lack of priorities...no point, really. All I can say is thank God that people DO mature. And if you don't, you're not allowed to be a geezer. We don't want that kind of negativity in our tribe. 

  • If you wave your hand at impulse buys...
  • If you have a firm grasp on your own life plans...
  • If you value the people in your close circle...
  • If you give of yourself and spread a little good vibes on a regular basis...

Priorities, people. It makes life...livable.

Check out some of the fine bloggers 
participating this month's challenge by 
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If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: O is for Oldies

Once again, this is a sure sign that you are proudly primed to let your geezer flag fly: love of the "oldies."

Can anyone tell me, with absolute certainty, the specific day in their lives when the pursuit of NEW music took a backseat to the love of the oldies -- those wonderful tunes of yesteryear? Clearly, I remember craving the new stuff, but I don't know when that changed...it did, though. 

I remember thinking that I was going to turn into my parents...maybe that was the clear sign. My Dad and Mom kept singers like Patsy Cline and Bobby Vinton alive like they just cut a new tune. They were the poster children for folks who hang on to the oldies and spin those old discs like it was a religious obligation. 

Now, I'm that person. Pass me that Monkee album, please...
  • If you've played more than three songs older than 25 years in the last week...
  • If you have all the audio mediums represented (LP, 45, 8 track, cassette, CD, mp3) in your home at this very minute...

I'm only mentioning this because I'd like to see your playlist...so I can borrow the good stuff.

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participating this month's challenge by 

accessing the master list on the