Monday, April 8, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: G is for Glasses


"Men still make passes
At girls who wear glasses
But they have to have pretty good frames."

As a young person, that little ditty was recited in my presence with adolescent glee -- we all know jerks or guys that like to poke you with a stick. Like then, it doesn't phase me at all to speculate that glasses just might cause Mr. Right to think I was Miss Uh-No-Not-You. That fictionalized paramour is twisted, anyhow. I'm also fine with the fact that glasses might not be the most upscale, trendy accessory or bump my status up to fashion icon. Name one model with great glasses...go ahead...it's flawed logic.

For me, it was always pretty simple math: I couldn't see very well without them. True confession, I did occasionally take them off for some reason or another, but it was rare, for obvious reasons...like I didn't want to walk into traffic. In the hoarding box of photos I carry from house to house purchase, there's actually some studio pics of me without glasses. In fact, every single picture I purchased is still in the packet which tells you exactly how much I wanted to share that moment of vanity with the huddled masses.

Years fly by (okay, decades...) and now my attitude is a bit different. What started as a problem with eyes that won't work in harmony and extreme farsightedness just wasn't enough to please Valhalla's vision gods, so they added nearsightedness, macular degeneration (the good kind, if that's possible), awful depth perception, and, as my doc says, "the driest eyes I've ever seen." I've broken two ankles to prove I can't see a hole in the ground. The end result is that in 2019, there's no fashion accessory, jewelry, pair of shoes, undergarment, hairstyle, make up, or arm candy that can hold a candle to my loyalty and affection for my glasses -- and the darn things costs an arm and a leg.

Even though we have great insurance for eye care, these peepers are expensive to maintain. A difficult prescription, a tiny bridge on my nose that doesn't want to support specs, the weight of the lenses, the grooves I have in my uneven ears trying to get the darn things to allow me to stay lined up with the focal point...and no, I can't wear contacts unless I'm okay with being cross-eyed all day. Spoiler alert: I'm not. 

If someone says "Zenni," I'll punch you. You've been warned. I'm all in for coddling my ocular orbs as much as possible because I truly cannot see without the specs. I've cycled through all the low cost, online vendors. Interesting fact: the cheapest I've ever been able to glean from those McGlasses' type folks is around $200. In light of my high regard for my glasses, I need a back up pair. For $200, that back up pair will lack all the wonderfully specific additions that make these coke-bottle-nose-killers bearable; the focal point will, in all likelihood, be way off and I'll be blessed with a terrible headache of unknown origin. Nice purchase, eh? [This is just my opinion on a subject I'm perpetually cranky about, Zenni legal team, and not an attack on your fine discount online ocular empire. Good for you.]

Do you know that if you just SAY you'll punch someone, that is assault? [This is just my rambling about age-related burdens, I'm talking to you attentive local law enforcement agencies, and this may even be a sign of early onset senility. Nothing to see here...move along.]

Opticians, beware. I have high expectations and it's born of my frustration of a lifetime of return trips for adjustments. The state should let me sign off on licenses for anyone who comes close to my eyes. I'll admit it, I'm a beast on this subject at this point of my life. Coincidentally, I've spent a lot of time working with kids who bump their heads into my glasses and thus necessitate endless trips to the optician to line 'em back up. Well played, short people.

The good news is I have a fantastic eye doc now, who is also an evangelist (I kid you not, swear to God), and does a bang-up job of updating both my prescription and my soul, even though I've told him a thousand times that we are on the same team already. It's the kind of thing I can't protest too much or clearly it will appear that I am, in fact, in league with the devil instead of just visually impaired. To that end, I'm a delightfully adaptable patient when his office asks me to change my appointment time to accommodate mission trips and revivals.
  • If you are so focused (see what I did there?) on your peepers' needs that you're willing to blog about it...
  • If you measure the amount of time you've worn glasses in decades...
  • If you and your specs spend every waking hour together...
YOU MIGHT BE A GEEZER.

Celebrate that relationship with glass and plastic.





Check out some of the fine bloggers participating this month's challenge by 
accessing the master list on the Blogging from A-to-Z April Challenge website.

15 comments:

  1. I got my first pair of glasses in third grade, but I resisted wearing them for a couple years as I didn't want to be made fun of. Big mistake since it was somewhat detrimental to my education, though not disastrous. Since my starting to wear glasses full time in 6th grade they have become a fixture on my face for most of my life aside from a brief period in the late 70s early 80s when I started wearing contacts for a while. Gave those up sometime in the eighties.

    Now my glasses are beside my bed when I'm sleeping and on my head the rest of the time. You'll rarely find me not wearing my glasses.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When presented with my first pair of glasses, it was suggested that they use ribbons to hold them on my head. I was under 2 years of age!

      Those specs and I are only apart while I sleep, too (in the bed...recliner sleep is still glasses time).

      Delete
  2. My first pair of glasses was in the 4th or 5th grade. I can't remember. My vision wasn't really that bad. I think the problem was the astingmatism causing some blurriness but not enough to keep those glasses on my face beyond the newness phase. I push them aside until I my senior year and even then I didn't wear them regularly. I guess it wasn't after I started college that I kept them on and from that point it's been down hill but even then the slope wasn't a bad one. I was mostly near-sighted but in recent years the table turned and now I'm far-sighted which is horrible. I can't read small print for anything. No, I'm not a Geezer my eyes are defective, silly! I count my blessings that my eye sight isn't bad. I can imagine your difficulties growing up and wanting so much to not have to wear corrective lens. Can you wear contacts? Probably not with dry eyes. That's why I can't wear them. We've been through eye deliminas here with DH but that situation is behind us now. Of course, we can't help but wonder will the same issue arise in his other eye. We just have to trust God to not let that happen. Happy a2zing, my friend!

    A2Z Little Mermaid art sketch series ‘Grimsby’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Cathy! I hope your A-to-Z is going great, too. I'm trying to check in on some new folks and get around a bit.

      Really, I never got to the point where I dreaded wearing glasses because I have no memory of not wearing them. The cost and inconvenience is more of my complaint.

      "Geezer" is not so much as how I view myself, but the impression of how I think the world views people of a certain age. Many of the characteristics that make the world think we are geezers are just the product of have life tenure.

      Truthfully, it's more of an issue that I think I'm younger than I am.

      Delete
  3. Here's my glasses story. Spent a month and a half bugging (new) management at work to give me the voucher to get safety glasses for work. I always went to the same place because THAT'S where they always made the voucher for. My appt came and went w/o voucher. Three days later, I got the damn thing. Now they send you to Wal-Mart. Thanks for letting me know ahead so I could Just. Go. To. One. Place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh, I'll bet you could have wrung someone's neck...I totally get the frustration, Chris.

      Delete
  4. I got my first glasses in fourth grade "just for seeing the board," my mother said. By the next year I was wearing them all the time. I got wire-framed glasses in high school so I didn't look like I was a 40 year old man in a 15 year old's body.

    Glasses cost a fortune now, don't they? Of course, I'm in progressive lenses, but I'm talking a good $500 a pair. Of course, I wear them for 5 or 6 years, which is probably not good, either...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember when getting wire frames meant you had stepped over to the cool side of life, ha ha.

      What kills me about the cost of glasses is that I always get the "covered" frame and just what the doc recommends for me (like transitions, for example, because of the macular degeneration, and thinner lenses because of the weight of the lens). After my insurance pays for the office visit, frame and basic lenses, I STILL owe $500. My lens are ridiculous.

      This year, for the first time, I got a back up pair and daily pair at the same time. They ran a special that would pay for your second set of lens if you bought a second frame. I plopped down $160 and got a second pair. Let me tell ya, I felt like Queen Elizabeth feels about her crown jewels. Two good pair of specs. It's a miracle.

      Delete
  5. I've worn glasses every day since I was 13, so that's almost 50 years now (eeeek!) I've recently graduated to using a large magnifying glass to read small print -- you know, like the one Sherlock Holmes carries about. It belonged to my mother, who used it for the same purpose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm looking at 58 years of specs!

      I think you could really work the Sherlock look. Go for it.

      Delete
  6. I used to laugh at my mom who kept taking her glasses off when wanting a picture 5aken, in fact, there are many pictures of her in the middle of taking her glasses off. I was a mortified teen when she, at night, drove onto the grass, not the asphalt, when we went to pick up KFC. I never understood how she could not read the tiny writing on pill bottles and thought, I will lose my hearing( true), I will need to get up in the middle of the night to pee...also true but I always thought I would have my eyesight. Stop laughing....I have done all the things my mom did....ok stop laughing🤣😁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't stop laughing 'cause karma has gotten me, too! I'm constantly accusing my husband of mumbling but I suspect that all my many concerts affected my hearing a bit...CAUSE IT CAN'T BE THAT I'M GETTING OLDER, BIRGIT! NOOOOOO...

      Delete
  7. The only thing that I am OCD about is my glasses. But, boy, am I ever OCD about them!

    Every time I put them on (which is often), I have to adjust them, and re-adjust them, and re-re-adjust them, and re-re-re-adjust them until they finally feel *just right*. Finally, they feel like they're on straight; that there isn't too much pressure or too little pressure over and around my ears; that they are situated just perfectly on the bridge of my nose.

    And one minute later, I'll bump my glasses against something and the whole process starts all over again.

    Aaarrrggghhh!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    STMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! You can't ignore glasses that don't fit right. It's on the same level as putting your finger in your eye and just ignoring it. You can't! And at this point, glasses are functionally a part of my head. Nothing works without them.

      Delete
  8. Glasses ever since high school. That's me. So it's been a LONG time.

    'uneven ears' Most people don't realize their ears aren't the same height. I love pointing that out to some people.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo