Wednesday, April 24, 2019

If You Do This, You Might Be a Geezer: U is for Underwear


If  you really want to see me with my undies in a wad, that happened this very evening when I accidentally deleted this post. On to version two...since short term memory issues are sure signs of geezerhood and it is likely a totally different tale...


Continuing on my quest to uncover the red (or at least pink) flags at the main entrance to geezer land, I found myself sidetracked by my duties as laundry mistress of the front loader. Welcome to the fold...literally.

The thought occurred to me that my relationship with underwear has changed dramatically since I was first old enough to actually purchase my own. Let's call that "age 16." Any color, any pattern...preferably, plain old cotton. This diva's drawers didn't all have to match or be a style...this was back in the day when you actually covered underwear up and didn't leave anything hanging out as a fashion statement, ya get my drift? It was functional and if the gods of Ye Olde Wallymart were in a good mood, I could get a 6-pack for $5.00. No fancy name was required, either. Put the "wacky wear" on sale; I'd buy it. 

So, when did underwear get so complicated? I know I'm past the geezer threshold with this issue.  

My beef: Every package or pair of adult gutchies should have a checksheet on the front to allow you to make sure you know what you want and it should include of full disclosure of what you are buying. High rise? Low rise? Keep in mind, one gal's low rise is another's mid-rise...and hey, what the heck is going on with women's "boxers?" When did we start calling them boxers? Is there a picture of Rocky Balboa or Apollo Creed on them? And how many different kinds of leg holes can there be? All the options and information required to make a purchase -- sheesh! Is this part of the FAFSA application, it is certainly reminiscent of an intrusive, government venture.

As long as the girl skivvies don't start exploring the terrain like their own personal Grand Canyon, how bad can it be? 

Turns out, pretty bad, but that is just my opinion...and I've thought about all the lingerie options way too much in my search for the perfect underwear. I just get pickier and pickier as time goes on. There's one certain waistband I like (it's nearly non-existent) and one kind of leg opening. And the fabric better breathe...because it nearly takes my breath away every time I realize that I'm paying a ridiculous price for my drawers because of that pickiness. 

In a moment of weakness, I purchased some highfalutin' undies to satisfy my comfort demons. Now I'm hooked, to the tune of "3 for $60." Yeah. I think it's ridiculous, too. I'm sure I qualify for some "disorder of the month" or at the very least, I can say I have my first true addiction. I can't go back now. In all honesty, I suspect I would experience actual delirium tremens, like any self respecting addict gone cold turkey. They'll have to pry my high dollar panties from my cold, dead hands.

And all my friends "of a certain age" are the exact same way about their AARP approved Underoos. Coincidence?




  • If you know that Victoria's secret is this: "There's a high mark-up..."
  • If a lifetime of frugality goes out the window at the mention of "non-roll waistband..."

YOU MIGHT BE A GEEZER.


I'm pretty sure that most of us compromised a lot through the years. You are bound to be picky somewhere, some day. I'm planting my flag in my underwear drawer. 

[And if anyone tells Hubzam the going rate for bloomers, I'll hunt you down...I will find you...]






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10 comments:

  1. Ha! Loved this. When we lived state-side, I bought mine at Target, but I haven't bought underwear "in a package" in decades. I go through the 5 for 25 bins. More expensive than $5.00 for a package, but better than 3 for $60!
    Found you through AtoZ.
    Doesn't Speak Klingon

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still buy the packages. But I read the label really closely.

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  3. Okay, on THIS topic, we're not geezers until we're wearing Depends full time.

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  4. Hahaha! This is so relatable. We definitely get pickier about our drawers as time goes on. ☺ I'm a fan of Miadenform control briefs, available at Costco and Walmart.

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  5. Ugg, finding comfortable underwear is really a chore. I finally found a brand and style I like and it is only sold in Macy's in my area and costs more than the pre-packaged variety for sure but since it does not let me know its existence when I have it on it's worth it.

    Janet’s Smiles

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  6. I've gone from going commando at 16 to buying my panties from Omar the Tentmaker at my ripe old age with a full array of styles in between. If you don't mind, what brand is 3 for $60? Tommy Johns for women? I've been tempted to try them.

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  7. My one standard- no garage sale undies. Not even in the package.

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  8. Boxers.

    Boxers only.

    Color? Pattern? Type of material?
    3 irrelevant questions.

    There's only 1 relevant question:
    Are they boxers?

    But then I'm a "low maintenance guy".

    ~ D-FensDogG
    STMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahahaha.
    I found you through the A-Z comment box today (W). So it DOES work, the commenting thing.

    I work at an underwear (and loungewear) company!
    I design the patterns that go on the panties (dots, stripes, flowers, etc) and boxers (plaids).
    I like to get my panties for free from work, but it's difficult. Sample size is S. I'm definitely an XL.
    My oeuvre can be seen at many big box emporiums -- Costco International (but not US), Fred Meyer, Sam's (Mexico), Pricesmart (Caribbean).

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  10. My friend, who is svelte, sexy..you know, bitch..hahahaa sorry I did say that word. I do love her but on her daughter’s first birthday party, all the grownups were there and we were mainly in the kitchen. I went to the bathroom and, when I came out, most were in the living room since the little lass was opening up her gifts and mom was helping her out. I came back to the kitchen area seeing that my hubby and 3 others were now looking into the living area but they were not looking at the little babe opening up her presents they were looking at mom babe bent over helping out her daughter. Why? Because she was showing her itsy-bitsy thong and the 3 drool artists were just talking...and watching. I stood right in between them and my friend and just shook my head. How my friend can wear those I have no clue, she says they are comfortable but how can they be...I tried them...they are not and it’s gross. This makes me a geezer...I like comfort.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your personal yada, yada, yada,
Love, Cherdo